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Personality Disorder Message Board

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Emotional Issue
Sep 22, 2014
Not sure if this is the right place to put this, but my main issues are with Self esteem, confidence and self worth. Sometimes I have better days than others and undoubtably things like exercise and diet do help to an extent where you feel better about yourself. But my motivation and pursuit seems to be stifled by emotional swings.

Now I kinda suffer from Anxiety because of this, my mates wouldn't really notice this, I'm kind of introverted about it all, I am an open person, but I never go too into it. When I'm at the pub I just try and blend in having chats and drinking as usual. But deep down in social society I'm really worried about how people see me, what they are thinking. I see one person looking at me then I start getting paranoid, out of place. When I'm talking with someone, I often am too focused off my surroundings to be properly listen to someone. I also have problems with my voice as you can see in some of my other threads, which I have this breathy lack of clarity, sometimes tightness at the base of my tongue.

Since I was younger, I would always pretend I was someone I'm not, try take on personality traits of celebs or other people because I wanted to be like that. I think it all comes down to lack of self worth, wanting to be like these cool, confident smart person. But I feel like under average, stupid. I play guitar, do software development and because I'm not or I feel amazing at any of them, I just think of myself as average. Playing any sports, I just feel average and not able to properly excel in anything. So because of it, I look up to the celebs or successful people in these areas and think of scenarios in my head where I am this person and people think I'm amazing. Then I kind of snap back to reality and realise I'm just some average person.

Kind of a strange thing to say and I've never shared this before. I hope that I can just get it out of my system and someone can perhaps relate to me.

If you spoke to me, I'm not some strange guy or anything, in fact I blend quite well into society and can even hold a conversation. I think it's because I'm just such an introvert and I'm in my own head a lot (Which I've heard is a bad thing) So I've tried my best to just be more in touch with reality.

When I get down or stressed about all the bad things going in my life, I tend to drink because it makes me feel better at the time, but of course it wares off and isn't a permanent fix. I'm trying to stay focused and motivated to fulfil my future plans but often get huge set backs with emotional issues, where I almost just feel fed up and I'll sit and wallow. I know in this time I should just 'man up' and get on with it, but I just wanted to share.

Do I have some mental issues that need addressing or is this something I can self prove on with a different out look? I'm hoping it isn't a sign of mental instability.

THanks for reading.

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