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Hi cln,

There is plenty of time to share that new little one, so make sure IL know that you do want them involved and to know their grandchild, but that your doctor stresses that you need complete rest and a quiet recovery time (and YOU decide how much time this is). Good grief, why do they even need to be there at your first Christmas?

Here is where a good doctor (or nurse practitioner) comes in. At your next appt, explain how extremely stressed you are about your husband's insistence that your in-laws be there in your home when the baby is born, how you feel about the breast-feeding, bonding, etc. Ask them to support you, and take hubby to the next visit. I am sure your healthcare providers will whole heartedly agree with and support you.

This isn't being under-handed. Asking for professional support is being realistic The point is, your milk will not even come down and your body won't properly heal if you are stressed out.

It is your body and you don't need to be in an intimate position with in-laws or anyone you are not comfortable being intimate with. Breast-feeding and infant care can be a difficult adjustment. This is a medical situation, not a picnic, and it is important that you are strong about it. As you said, they are welcome to stay near-by, visit and cuddle, then leave you alone with your birth aftermath. You will NOT be up to entertaining, so you need to draw that line.

It is totally fair for you to be proactive and let MIL know in advance that you know hubbie does not understand that you need to and are planning to take this time and your mom is going to be there to clean house so you can rest. She may be understanding and surprise you...or not. Leave that with her but be empathetic of the disappointment, not mad at her or hubbie. Just as you can't help what you need, they can't help what they want. But it's up to you to draw the line, and now that you're a mom, you may as well practice drawing the line. It's your job.

It is unhealthy for baby to have a stressed out mother. So this means that you take your personal right to make decisions for your own self, I would feel free to respectfully explain to hubbie that while you do want IL to have access to the baby,if he has IL in your home right after birth you will then be forced to stay with your mom until you recover.

As someone mentioned, don't vilify your IL or hubbie...they don't know what you need: you do! Mother is usually it, and at times, not: it's your choice who you want involved with your personal bleeding, tiredness, joy, pain. NOT hubby's choice.

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