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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Message Board

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Board Index

Hi Waratah,

Never be afraid to ask me anything - what relationship did i have with my father - i thought he was wonderful - because he was to me - he was kind and caring and supportive - and i was always trying to get my mum adn dad back together - when i was fiveteen my elder sister had enough of this and told me how he had sexually and phsysically assaulted her and two other siblings for approx 10 years! - my world crumbled - the man I trusted most in the world was.... well i'v told you what he was - it was all a lie - and I still had to see him and was sworn to secrecy by my older sister - i had been abused when i was a lot younger and now I was convinced that it was bad blood - I don't give trust easily but when I met this psychologist (the third I had seen with no positive result) from the minute I spoke with him I knew instinctively he could be trusted - it's hard to say how but I just knew - and he has been the only one to help me - how do i see him? as a coach - not a father figure - I don't believe in father figures - they - for me - arte just liars - I have been so low and have self harmed before i saw him - that i am afraid of what i am capable of

if you had asked me two years ago if i would self harm i would have said it would never happen - but i am stronger now in many ways and weaker in others - as a small child i was often abandoned and rejected by my family and physically abused to a very small degree and so i think that is why i dont want to ask - although he is not family - i know pathetic isnt it ! I AM SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF! I do feel sometimes like a small scared child - but that happens with others too - just weak - but i WILL be stronger - I CAN be stronger, when I said i wanted to tell him how i feel - that was that i felt afraid and small and lost and I am ashamed to feel that way. MBC

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