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Hi everyone
I really need desperate help and advice.
Long life/relationship story short. (Or i'll try) 😁
I met my fiance 4 years ago. When i didnt really wanted a relationship, because i went through 3 break ups that year, i was 21 going onto 22. So i met my fiancè and he was 31, obviously on a settling down age, but im not a very outgoing person so i thought well i can also settle down. So i noticed when we hung out, he wanted more, and because he is one of those old school, work hard, varsity, will be a good father one day, financial guys, i thought let me give it a go because maybe i wont find another good guy like this.

At that stage i sort of made myself love him. Thats how i see it today.
His parents helped me to get my own place, helped me out with furniture etc. so after living on my own, travelling to his place every weekend i thought let me move in with him. And so i did.

I started to love him, and got attached to him, I always smsd him, when is he coming home from work, didnt want him to go out, just wanted him to spend time with me. Because i dont have any girlfriends to hang out with. He changed in a way for me, to always spend time with me, not hang out with his friends-but all his friends are married, with kids anyway.

We travelled to Europe with his mom, he asked me to marry him in Paris, everything nice and sweet. But i must add, he is not a very affectionate and romantic guy. And i need a guy to be! Because i am.
He tries, but not in a way that i like it.
i changed work a year ago, and met this guy, 38 years old. Sweet guy, loving, caring, looks like a guy that every girl out there needs as a friend. Always good advice.
So i always wanted a guy friend like that, in the second month, i made very good friends with him, and told him about my relationship/life at home, but we just clicked! And felt from both sides that we want this, whatever there was, that sparked! I just always felt like im not happy in my current relationship. And this guy just always listened. Some points he helped me in my relationship but he realized that he liked me too much to help me he wanted me for himself!

So My fiance is a financial guy, slsometimes i just feel like he always wants to talk about our budget and we need to spare here and there, and how he always needs to pay for everything. Sometimes i feel like im his child, he treats me like that. Obviously there is a big difference in our age. And i like to spend so i get where he comes from, but jeezzzz he is so strict on me. If i spend money on the credit i must pay him back when i get my salary! Or he will ask for it.
So we build a house together and getting married in October. I fell inlove with the 38 yr old guy, im 25 now. We work together, we shared an office. I see him everyday after work, i lost the little bit of spark that there was in my relationship with my fiance, i guess im just here because i know i wont ever struggle with money, ive got a nice house on a golf estate, his mom is paying for wedding because my parents cant really afford it. Im almost getting a dream wedding.
I know this is soooooo wrong! But i have to tell you guys every detail.

The 38yr old guy, has a small place, he doesnt earn half as much as my fiance, but i feel the love this guy can give me, the life, never a dull moment. He doesnt care if he doesnt have money he will still take me out. My fiance hates a shopping centre but this 38yr old wont mind if he must go with me he will. He always tells me that im the woman he wants, why do i take all of this crap from my fiance. Like now i will make plans to leave the house every weekend to spend time with the other guy, because me and my fiance always argues, i dont want to be home, he just irritates me. But how do i cancel of this expensive wedding plans, ive got a house with this guy.
My fiance asked if we can go to marriage counseling, because i know he loves me, and he wants this to work. But i dont love him, i cant tell him that. It will break him. How in the world do i do this. I just enjoy life with this other guy and yes im so sorry to say this but i have been cheating and its almost going on for a year!
I hate myself for doing this to everyone. Some days i just wish i can tell the 38yr old lets leave it because i know what we are doing is wrong, and its such a big sin! Some nights i just cry, and just wish things better and away! This is killing me.
The 38yr old is so supportive, i feel like i can tell him anything and everything. But i cant so that with my fiance, he is never understandable, always defensive. Such a short humor. And his mom always gets to our house and says we dont look happy. We should go and see someone.
Can anyone help please
You have to ask yourself what kind of slimy guy does this. I mean the new guy. He has set out IMO to undermine your current relationship by tempting you with the things you think you want. I am not saying your fiance is the one or perfect, but please do not break up over this sleaze! Sort things out one way or another with your fiance, but do not involve yourself with this man. He sounds like he is all about the chase, and once he succeeds, he is gone. Check out his past history, I bet it is littered with broken relationships he caused. Be careful! Sera
Hi there. You wrote "because i know he loves me, and he wants this to work. But i dont love him, i cant tell him that." If this is how you really feel, you arent ready to get married.

Marriage is based on honesty. Its not always easy. My husband and I have been married ten years and we went through some rough patches. We were committed to making it work and now it has!! But some things are unforgiveable- cheating being one of them. And, even if you arent having a physical relationship - you are having an emotional one. How would that make your fiance feel? How would you feel if it were you?

You need to go to marriage counseling. If only to have a third party there when you tell him what is going on in your mind. But, dont get married. This will not end well for either of you...

Your finace is a nice guy- but obviously not what you want. The older guy- hes not what you want either and that too, wont work. A. Hes too old for you and B. he is SLIMY. I agree with the other poster. Men, do not get emotionally involved with girls who are engaged- only a "boy" would do that.

No matter what though, you have to put yourself first. And, stop playing games with peoples emotions. If you arent in love, you need to end it NOW before you hurt him worse than he will already be....youre not mature enough to get married. Im sorry if that sounds bad- but a mature person would be able to say "im not in love with you". And a person who knows what they wants wouldnt be playing with two different people's emotions.

Best of luck. But Id see that marriage counselor, you might find that it will help you intensely!

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