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Relationship Health Message Board


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We broke up. We both wanted it. I had a few outbursts after he had about 15 because I wasn't getting any emotional support from him. This is what he wrote me in an email: "Someone who would do their best to find out everything I care about and everything that makes me tick, and then use every bit of it against me in the most vindictive way to try to hurt me as much as possible.

No matter how much I wish I could fix it, you have emotional issues, and your hateful vindictive outbursts aren't going to end -- no matter what I say/do/how I act. "
I brought up the thing about his mom because it was coming between us and almost every day since around Father's Day he complained about how he had to deal with his moms emotional issues. I had to stay strong and pretend everything was perfect with me for over a month because I didn't know what it was like to lose a parent. And my emotional blow ups were very small compared to things I've seen and things I've done in the past. He would slam doors and punch the wall just because I asked him why he didn't follow through with something he said he would do to help me out with work, for example, and he would say he was too tired and had too much other stuff to deal with. I was like the man in the relationship and he was like the woman, in the sense that he was way more emotional all the time and I had to be the "big spoon" every night to make him feel better. I couldn't take it anymore. I thought I dated a mamas boy before and once I pointed out to him (he was 28 at the time) that he doesn't need to call his mom about every single little decision he made every day he changed and thanked me and I saw his independence grow. Now, this new guy is a whole different case. In complete denial. My degree is in psychology so I notice these things very easily, unfortunately not soon enough with the most recent to save myself the hurt. And it does hurt a lot. We had so much fun together when his family wasn't on his mind and he was free to be himself and didn't feel the burden of a family to support. I'm feeling very depressed. And of course I feel some type of way when he insulted my career multiple times telling me what I said before and that I'm not ambitious. Sorry I didn't have an older brother (who doesn't feel the need to baby his mom, neither do the other brothers) who let him in on a business and they just found a very successful partner. I am happy for him, but that's not the way my life is. I think a lot of people out there get a good job because it's a family business or a close family friend.. Sorry I didn't have that opportunity. I told him that doesn't mean I don't think he works hard because he does, but I am a hard worker too and he doesn't need to judge someone's worth on how much their paycheck is. Thanks for letting me vent. There is obviously more than one problem here and I've never claimed to be perfect and I let him know my weaknesses and he used them to make fun of me. I did not make fun of him, he is a year younger, which is not that much, but I was trying to calmly tell him how we can't have a healthy relationship if it's always about him being in a bad mood because of his mom and have said he can't have two girlfriends at once.





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