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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi everyone,

I was hoping somebody could give me their opinion on what to do in this situation. My girlfriend and I live together (for 2 years), and have been experiencing a period of ups and downs, with the past month being a major down...I don't think it's all 100% my fault, but I do think I contributed perhaps 90%, due to me having bipolar II and going through a particularly bad depressive period. My partner didn't know about it until recently, which isn't ideal..however, I'm not on any medication for it and my dr told me (years ago) that it's too mild and I can manage it myself or with psychotherapy..anyway, to cut a long story short, it has been getting progressively worse and I've just been crying non-stop for days and generally being anxious and clingy and just unreasonable and my partner believed it was because I was so unhappy in the relationship. We spoke for hours a few days ago, as she wanted to break up and said she can't see how I can get better...and that's when I told her about everything and said I'll see a dr again and do things that used to help me before.
I understand that it has been going on, on some level, for 2 years and she has reached the end of her tether..but we have had some incredibly good times and it's only the last month or 1.5 months that I've been so badly depressed. She told me she'll give me a chance to sort it out , but that she needs a lot of space because now she's depressed after all of this going on for so long...and I guess I am needy and can't cope well with giving space anyway..and during arguments, I'm the type of first who wants to sort it out and talk asap, whereas she needs space to cool down and be silent and then talk. So, if I talk more, she gets more angry. Space always does her wonders, but I find it so so so hard.
So this morning things got even worse and she asked for space and said she wants to spend all her days off on her own, and I got upset, and she got more angry and said she has never felt so much anger before and it's unlike her and she doesn't know how to cope with it...and she had an extreme, angry outburst and started breaking things (not attacking me directly, but just her own stuff)..it was horrible, and now she is texting me and saying she has calmed down a bit, but that she just can't cope with me and everything that has been going on for such a long time, and 100% wants to break up. A few days ago, she wanted to give me a chance to see a dr and try to improve things with us, and this outburst resulted from me not wanting to give space..I just find it too hard, when we live together..when I see her, I want physical affection and to kind of force things back to normal, in a way. I don't even know if there is any chance of us still being together and I have never cared about anyone so much before and I want to make it work. I don't know if she can give me a chance now, and certainly not straight away. She will come home very late, from work, and we agreed to just sleep and that it's unsafe for us to try to talk whilst tired and sleep-deprived, and that we'll talk tomorrow. She's adamant that we'll just talk civilly to sort things out with the flat, finances, etc..but she can't be with me like this anymore. I don't know if space can help in this regard, or if it'd make it worse? I don't know if I can just go somewhere for a week and then talk, or try to talk and suggest that I go somewhere and hope she'll calm down and be more willing to give me a chance? She seems to kind of recover from it when she's at work and she sends nice texts and says she's willing to move on, but then she comes home and I am overly clingy and upset and crying and she gets angry again..Do you guys think I should try staying somewhere for a while, to give her space and let her cool down? I could go to my parents' house (although my relationship with them isnt the best, so it's not stress-free..but they do want to see me, so they'd be happy about it), but I guess I have always thought it's "wrong" for one person to have to leave a mutual home during arguments. I don't know..I guess if we weren't living together and just dating, we probably wouldn't see each other at least for a few days, in this case...

What are your thoughts? Thank you so much!





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