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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi,

Unfortunately my beautiful wife has suffered from PCOS for at least 10years. She is 36 and we have been married for about 2.5years. We have a 22month toddler which was a blessing as any couple knows where PCOS is concerned. While PCOS is more common in women who are overweight, my wife is actually within normal range for her age and height.

While PCOS is becoming more understood and the support for women is increasing, it is easy to forget that PCOS also has a big impact on the Husband or boyfriend in a relationship.

When my wife and I got together she explained to me that she had PCOS but I guess I didn't truly understand how this syndrome could affect a relationship. We got pregnant quite quickly, and up until my wife became pregnant we had a strong love life. However, from the moment she became pregnant 2.5 years ago until now, we haven't made love or had any intimate contact at all.

I love my wife and even if PCOS meant we would never make love again I would still stay committed to our marriage and our child. Still, as a young, healthy guy with a strong libido, no sexual contact for 2.5 years can be difficult to cope with.

I guess what I am struggling with isn't the lack of sex but rather the lack of sensual touch. I have tried to discuss things with my wife on several occasions and have always been extremely gentle and understanding. However, when I have tried to discuss this topic with my wife she becomes very upset and simply says she is still attracted to me but her body is broken due to the PCOS. Any mention of PCOS or our love life is simply off limits.

My wife hates the thought of drugs as they have side affects which aren't nice and I would never push her in that direction. The thought of my wife taking those kinds of drugs for me is quite upsetting.

I understand that with PCOS her sex drive may be non-existent and sex may even become painful and uncomfortable, however, there are many ways to maintain sexual touch and intimacy in a relationship other than intercourse.

I try and maintain touch and affection with her as often as I can. I give her feet massages and lovingly touch and massage her in bed which she seems to like. However, she will not reciprocate the touch.

More generally I do my best to be a good husband and dad. My wife is a fulltime mum to our child, however, I come home early from work (before 5pm) every day without fail. I help feed, cleanup the house, bath our child and put her to bed. I get up to our baby during the night and feed her in the morning so that my wife can sleep in. I never go out and spend all my free time with my family.

With all this in mind, I don't understand why my wife feels she cant offer any sensual touch. I will never push her and refuse to be the "needy husband". But surely marriage is about give and take and the enjoyment you get from seeing your partner happy.

Just as the only enjoyment I receive from giving her foot massages etc is knowing that it makes her happy, why does she not offer intimate touch even if it is only to see me happy. It is almost as though by having no sex drive she has lost all appreciation or understanding for how I feel as a husband with a very strong sex drive, and the emotional strength I receive from being intimate with my wife.

PCOS is obviously a complicated and painful syndrome for everyone involved. The reason why I am trying to understand the symptoms is that I love my wife. I have concluded that if PCOS means we will have little or no sex in our marriage than we need to work out how to fulfil each others most basic human needs in other ways.

I'm a guy so I'm not very good with words and expressing my thoughts so I hope this hasn't come across badly. I love my wife so much and will do anything to keep our marriage strong and healthy.

Any experience, feedback or advice women or husbands that have been in a similar position might have would be greatly appreciated.





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