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Hi

I'm 31 years old, have been diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome and Epilepsy from a young age, and recently have been put on anti depressants. I have been in a relationship now for nearly 3 years and everything has been great until 4 days ago. We have been living together for 6 months now and are saving for a house of our own.

For the past 4 days at least, every day has been filled with fear, dread, crying, loneliness, resentment, sickness, upset tummy, stress vomiting and confusion among other things.

The reason for this.. I innocently brought up the fact I would like to marry my BF in the future. His reaction was not what I expected.

Now some background on my BF, when I met him he had jsut broken up with his GF, who was in a polygamous relationship with her still current partner. The reason for this was because they were kind long distance and was spending more time with her before aforementioned BF. Also she and I share the same name, are nearly the same age and met my BF in the same manner. This has always been an uneasy issue for me, but has been something that I've learnt to deal with, which considering I have Aspergers is quite a feat.

SO the issue. When I first brought it up in merry whimsical way, he went quiet, very quiet and emotionally I took this quite hard. Over the next 3 days it kept being brought up, in spite of my effort to put it aside as I had read in various places to do (in terms of marriage/engagement)

This is where it gets complicated, after being uncomfortable and feeling like I'm not wanted around, I get my first 'answer' from him, he doesn't want to marry because he doesn't care about marriage, it's just a piece of paper, then I get told he doesn't want to marry because he doesn't like the thought of the rest of his life being monogamous, which confused me since he and I are saving for a house together and are in a monogamous relationship, at this point I'm very confused because I don't really see much difference between where we are atm, and being married, to me all that would change is that I'd legally be his spouse. Then he tells me he wants to marry me but is afraid, and that it's a big decision and I told him that I only want to be engaged in the next year or so, not married right away. Then today I get to big whopper and he tells me he doesn't want to marry me because I don't show much affection (which is hard since I have Aspergers, but I do my best) and this is after 4 days of feeling like there's an onslaught of by differing reason.

Then today I find out that he's been talking about this to his Ex, and how he has considered reaching out to her for the affection (he even told her he loved her), I found this out after asking to see his chat and his being secretive about what was said.

Today he had the chat with me about my lack of affection, which I can understand, I haven't been super affectionate, and I apologised for that and told him that ue to my weight I dont feel physically attractive, the very sight of my body repulses me. I also pointed out that it's difficult for me sometimes due to having bad days/weeks/etc with the Aspergers. Also I have felt a distancing between us as he has pretty much made it that we have kinda different lives while living together. I am home all day due to my illnesses, I look after the house as best I can while trying to stay calm (I have stress induced epilepsy too), so he comes home from work, we chat a bit, we have dinner/he has dinner (depends on when he's home, sometimes he works till 8pm and I eat at 6pm) and then we go through to the bedroom, where we either watch tv, or I watch him game a bit(we are both gamers) that is until I get sleepy, usually around 9pm, where he then leaves the bedroom and stays up till gone 1pm doing whatever it is he does(I dont really know what, I ask and he says 'stuff') then I wake around 8am and he's in bed till like 10am sometimes 11am on days he's not working. It entirely feels like we're living separate lives sometimes.

He recently also got put on an anti depressant as well, and this has affected our sex life, when we do have sexual interactions, it's often one sided resulting in him getting release but nothing for me, I don't resent this at all, I have a low sex drive atm and if I get satisfaction I tend to have to wait a month to build up enough frustration for things to 'work properly' so to speak. This does however sometimes make me feel like it's just about him. Which I know probably isn't true but having Aspergers makes it hard to really know what the other is thinking or feeling and this usually ends up with my mind creating scenarios and getting upset over little things or things that aren't there. I am working on this however.

I have mostly turned to this forum as I have no one else to talk to, having Aspergers has made it hard to make any real life friends(I have 2 including my BF, I did have 3 but my 'best friend' disowned me for moving out of her house and in with my BF for reasons left unexplained).

Right now I'm feeling very confused about it all, one one hand he says he wants to make things work and stuff and on the other he's telling his ex that he wants her or giving me various reasons as to why he's unhappy and it never really feeling like it's the whole truth.

Thank you for listening.





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