It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Hello everyone,

The first issue is me being scared to be upfront with my older sister, who's only 2 years older than I am. The other problem is my overbearing mother who lacks consistency and is very hovering. Both of these problems creates hell in our house and sometimes I'm happy not to be living there most of the time. Please bear with me, since this is lengthy. Here are the details:

My sister is actively aggressive when nothing goes her way, or when you make her upset. She is basically a ticking time bomb. Mind you she is almost 26. She loves me to death, but there have been many times from the beginning of my child hood where she would be emotionally abusive with me. I was somewhat of a chunky girl in my preteen years, and if I did something to annoy her unintentionally, she would always make sure to call me names and it would really hurt my feelings. Since I was so timid with her, I failed to stick up for myself. When I did we would get into physical altercations.

As an example, one time we went for vacation, and me, my older sister, and my cousin, who's the same age as I am, all went to sleep in the same bed. Me and my cousin were very close at the time, and we would giggle and talk and all that before we went to bed. I guess my sister felt left out, and being the 17 year old girl that she was at the time, I guess she wasn't mature enough to let me know or try to get involved in our girl sessions. But anyway, all our giggling made my sister upset and she cursed us out, telling us to shut up. I suppose it was understandable since she was trying to sleep, and so we tried to quiet down. Just as I was getting ready to fall asleep, I think I might have moved over a little to the left and touched her, and she got so mad that she got the pillow from under my head and threw it on the ground. Confused and annoyed, I said "What is your problem?" and she responded by saying "Shut up" at that point I told her to shut up and that's when the fight happened. My sister proceeded to go on top of me and started beating me up, punching me continuously in the face. My cousin wasn't sure what was going on since the lights were out, but when she ran to turn them on, she saw what was going on. She kept telling my sister to stop, and I wasn't trying to defend myself in the beginning. I think because I wanted my mom to see what she did to me that night. And also, my sister is a lot stronger than I am, so she always had a physical advantage. She did this for absolutely no reason. My parents were sleeping in a gated area so when my sister went to go get them to explain what she did, she couldn't reach them. but the next morning, they were very upset when they saw my face. I was more concerned about me feeling embarrassed, so I tried getting over it and acting as if nothing happened. I don't recall my parents reprimanding her.

This was about 8 years ago. We probably got into 3-5 more major fights like this afterward.
There are other examples.

I am writing because the bad memories I have with my sister always replay in my head, and it affects me emotionally. I wish I could talk to her about it, but she gets so defensive. Right now we are perfectly fine, so it's like our relationship always falls under two extremes. I feel like my relationship with her is better when I am away at school. At times where I see we are affectionate with one another and talking and laughing, I remember that our current happy relationship is only temporary, and then I get angry at her for hurting me all those years. I'm currently renting a room in the city. However, once winter break hits and i go back to my parent's house, I wouldn't be surprised if we get into another argument, mostly her being mad at something I did.

Now, here's the second issue. I don't want to live at home anymore. I think it's ridiculous to have to sleep in separate rooms with my boyfriend when we are in a serious relationship. Me and my boyfriend have plans of moving with each other soon, probably within the next year. I know for a fact that my mom will not like this. My dad has no idea that I have ever slept with him, let alone be sexually active with any man even though I am 23. While I want to leave and be independent, I am scared to break the news to my parents.

I know i will always be their child. They are very supportive. They give me everything. They pay for my apartment. i pay no bills, my mom makes sure I have a lunch packed when I am home. My dad assumes I still can't take care of myself and constantly asks if I ate or if I am hungry and makes me food anyway even after telling him I'm not hungry. They do a lot for me and it's like they don't think I can do anything for myself. I am very grateful for them, but I feel like if I was as comfortable as my sister, i wouldn't have been where I am now. I am getting my masters at a prestigious university, I did well in my undergraduate university, and I hope to get my PhD someday.

I had issues with my mom because I always craved my independence since I was a teenager. I love doing things for myself and being on my own, meeting new people and growing. But now, I don't have the confidence to tell them I will be moving out soon. The only reason I moved to the city was to be able to do things on my own terms to be honest. The commute to school would not have been so bad, but if I decided to stay at my moms place, I wouldn't have been able to spend that much time with my boyfriend and I would be getting calls from my mother constantly asking when I am getting back home.And my sister is not accepting of it either. She says I need to get married before I move out (not happening, I could care less if I got married. My boyfriend and I talked about it already and we decided to get married in our late twenties to early thirties, if marriage were to occur)

1) Any advice on this sister-sister relationship?
2) Any advice to cope with my over-bearing mother?





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:44 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!