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Relationship Health Message Board


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hi Jab42812, I'm very sorry you are in this position. this is a support group, and I will support you. however, I cannot support the decision you've made to go along with her request! I see no way how this can be helpful to your relationship. yes you made a mistake, you're human. who hasn't? she want's to have unemotional no strings sex. and you're willing to go along with it to make her happy. she can't shake the feelings over what you did I understand that, as my wife and I split for three years, never divorced only because she asked me not to give up on her yet oh, I filed for divorce after I found she was living with another man. she just happened to not be at work the day she was being served with the papers. they mailed me a letter stating such, and wanted another $75.00 to return to her work to serve them. she'd called me to ask to come by my house to "talk" I agreed. I laid the letter on the kitchen table, as that's where we always talked. while we talked I excused myself to the restroom, allowing her the time to see and read the letter. that's when she asked me not to. I'd known she'd made a mistake just as she did. she'd told me weeks before she thought she had.

long story short, after three years we got back together. you say you're hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. believe me, you can't prepare for that! I love this woman with everything I have in me. that's been over 30 years ago, I forgave her, but when someone shares that kind of intimacy with someone else, you never ever forget it! the trust completely is gone. I do not try to control her every move, she is free to do as she wants when she wants. she's gone away for the weekend by herself? and that's fine. I have no problem with that. but, there's a part of me deep inside she probably will never get back? that's her problem not mine. she caused it, she can live with it! or not? cheating is a character flaw, we all have flaws. but she knows perfectly clear! I meant what I told her when we got back together, that if she leaves this house with the intention of being with another man? weather it be for the weekend, or one night, or just for a few hours, for another "fling"? she can take everything she owns with her! and if I suspect such action, while she's gone, everything she owns right down to her wedding dress will be setting out on the porch when she gets back, she is entitled to half of everything we have accrued since we've been married. I'm okay with that, she could live comfortably on that the rest of her life as can I with my half. she just can't do it with me!

if you're willing to take this chance with your wife? thats you're decision, but if she's to the point of crawling into another man's bed? and wondering if she'll go farther? she doesn't only need to find herself? she needs to know herself! she must of missed the day in school? that went into the definition of commitment. I take my commitment and my vows very seriously. and I have kept up my end and intend to till death do us part! I do remember anything in my vows saying "maybe open temporarily" I thought I was paying pretty good attention.

but to each their own. I do wish you luck though I'd be very curious to know how it works out after 38 years? us, we're still together!

good luck and god bless

Larry/88





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