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I'll make this short so as to not take up too much time.

Basically, I've been with my girlfriend for almost 10 years. I am 31 and she is 26. We have been through a lot together. After dating for about 3 months her mom kicked her out so I let her live with me. Over the years we have rented apartments together and supported each other during schooling. At first she wanted to be a wedding planner. So I helped her pay for it and study and after a bit she changed her mind. Then she wanted to be a teacher. So we delved into that, basic education in college really. At this point she had a job and was paying her own but I helped her as much as I could with homework and so forth. We went to the same school so it worked out. In the end she changed her mind on teaching and just stayed with working for a bit. Then she began medical school and I helped with that, like before. She paid what she could and I helped. Helped with homework but I couldn't do as much as I used to due to the subject. She graduated and got a job in the medical fied. Since having that degree for 4 years she has gone through about four jobs. She seems to change jobs every year or six months. Finding a better one, not liking the staff, or being fired for being too chatty and happy.

She has just started a new job. She has to drive for about an hour and a half to work every morning starting at 4am. Gets home by 3-4pm. So she is tired and stressed I am sure. She never had much luck with friends but is finally making some new ones.

Lately we have been arguing a lot due to financial troubles and living situation. We are stuck living with my Mom and I am trying to save up to move out. But everytime I have some money saved I end up having to spend it all to save our butts when she quits a job or switches and I have to make sure we get caught up and not behind on bills in the mean time. I don't get a chance to spoil her as much as I used to due to this, and she hates it.

She often wishes for me to take her out or buy her things. It's only been a few months I haven't done this. Mostly due to not having much money. I don't really take her anywhere because she only has Saturday. Sunday is spent getting ready for the week of work and all week is work. Soon as she comes home from work she has about 1-2 hour then goes to bed. I spend with her. So Saturdays I figure she wants to lay back and relax and rest. Never gave it much thought.

I admit, I am not the most fun person. I am sort of a stay at home guy and a bit of a prude. She is more out going and likes to be out. But I can calm her down and she gets me out of the house, so its all good to me.

I am moody and have bipolar and other medical problems. So I am not the easiest person to live with. I have a bad temper and like to self harm if too stressed. She has her own issues, ADHD and hypocondriac. She loves to cry when overly stressed. Which she often does at work. I tell her not to cry at work.

Fun duo, huh?

Well, anyways, I get moody and like to swear to myself and call everyone and everything a name when upset and I don't realize it. This entire dreadful situation started on Sunday. We were out washing our car. She came into this relationship with a car. I helped keep it up. Sold it. Got myself a car as a gift from a family member. Officially my car and she helped upkeep on it. That car got in a wreck and was destroyed. New car is ours. I have her the money from what I got for my car and her mom paid the other half. Yet she likes to refer to it as HER CAR. Anyways, we were waxing it. I just washed and waxed it and she did the tires. Then she started spraying it with the hose. I'm like "WHAT?". She said she wanted to play in the water with the hose and wash the car her way. I got a bit annoyed as I had used the last of my wax. So I went inside as she sprayed the car witht he hose, undoing all I did. I did get mad and call her an idiot.

Well, later that night it started. She basically said she is tired of our living situation and that I mean all the time. She was teased all of her life and I call her names when mad and she can't handle it anymore. I was teased too and beat up a lot and she said I should know better, which is 100% true.
She said that I have changed the past five months and am more moody. Then she said she has changed with the new job. She wants to start SCHOOL AGAIN this September to become a R.N., which is fine with me. I'll help however I can. I'd rather move out first then her focus on school. I think that would be less stressful and my mom can be hard to deal with and I think having a place to actually call our own would ease the tensions between us.

Well, I also found out that she has been hugging this one guy at work. She said she hugs a few. Some of the guards who walk her and other staff to their cars. Then there is this one guy who gives her good advice, helps her around the office, and she gives him rides to his car as he parks further away by like 10 min up a hill. She said she hugs him. I am not a fan of that. But in High School she used to hug a lot of her friends, even the guys. She just hasn't had a guy friend in a long time. In her words, "He is a really really nice guy." and I can be, "Really really mean.". Notice the usage of "really"? Well, I asked if she liked him and she said he is just a "really" good friend. Well, how good a friend can he be to give hugs to only knowing him for barely two months? So, I told her I wasn't a fan of the hugging but she said I should trust her so I am backing up off of it, as I know a lot of people hug.

Found out she gets stressed at work and starts crying. He "consoles" her and tells her its all okay. I told her that I'm the one who is supposed to console her and hold her all she wants when she gets home, which is what I do. But she said she needs to be consoled then and there and he is there to do it and that what makes him a good friend.
Aside from that and my calling her names, which I think has led her towards him, she usually sleeps naked next to me at night and wants me to cuddle a lot. Last three weeks she hasn't wanted to cuddle much due to variety of excuses. Listing? Well, first. Her stomach is upset. Or she is too hot. Or she just doesn't feel good. Or is on her period. So I back off. She wears her clothes now to bed and basically wont even let me put my hand on her when we sleep.

She comes home now and wants some "her" time and to sit in the bed room and watch netflix by herself. Well, I noyl get 2 hours a day with her and I want to spend those 2 hours she is home that she isn't sleeping with her. But she doesn't seem to want to. Maybe half an hour at best with me directly before she goes to bed. Usually watch ******* w/ me so she can fall asleep. Then she tells me to go out there because I usually go to bed a hour or so after her and I sually play on the tablet or phone or read. But I keep her up if I am in the bedroom.

So with her being so withdrawn. This whole hugging business.
This "changing" bit, all really makes me think she wants to end it. So I asked her. She said I need to change and start being more nice. No name calling. Take her out more. Buy her things. Show my emotions more. Etc.

My Brother said she is probably flirting with the guy at work or sees a possible future and I should compete and show her what I really am made of and how much I do love her.

Did I mention that I love watching her get undressed, ready for work, and stare at her as she sleeps? Well, now suddenly she just sakes her head. "Weird" she says. Never said it the past 1 yrs!

Always said I should ask to marry her and want a kid. I told her in time. I haven't asked because I was trying to save up for a nice ring and come up with a special situation to propose, but never could find the idea or the money. I told her this, and she didn't say a damn thing back. Said she wanted a big wedding. I can't give it. And if her grandpa or grandma die and dn't attend a nice wedding I know I would get grief for that for the rest of my life. It seems like she wants a new life with a new guy where they can go out, have fun on the town, do group dates, and so forth. I can do that.

I've been crying a lot. Only thing I can do other than get angry right now. Trying my best not to hurt myself. Having pretty good control with the exercises my therapist gave me. I am also on meds and take them regularly and have so since we met, so yes I do take medicine to calm myself down. Think how I;d be without it?

I do love her. She lights up my life. I am such a dull person I guess. I look at everything and find negativity in it. But I see her and am with her I am so happy. I love her so much. I just never showed it I guess? I thought I did? Well, I guess I have to start trying more. So now I am saying "I love you" more and haven't gotten upset at all with her or called her name. But she is still being distant and now just raises her eyebrows. "You're being weird." she says.
She said I have till September to change or she is leaving. That is when she starts school.


I didn't know she could just up an abondon everything we have gained within 10 years and leave it all behind over a few crummy months. She would ditch me. Leave me here with Mom and our (mine an GFs) Dog and 2 Cats. She'd take the car. And The computer and tablet and phone as they are technically hers and under her name. I make payments, but she signed up for them and so forth. Or I simply bought them for her and we use them. Aside from the pes (Which are like our children) and the items, I invested so much emotion and time into her. An to think she can throw it out and leave it behind? Even if some other guy is paying her somee attention?

I was looking forward to this Saturday but she is choosing to go spend the day with a friend and have a girls night. Which she hasn't done in like, 7 years, which is fine with me. But she told me its because her friend was having issues with her marriage. Then to find out she is going because "we" might break up. Probably bounce ideas off of her? Then she has this other friend who is a total fool when it comes to men and is going through her third divorce and after meeting her seems like my GF is seeing less and less in our relationship. But she is not the one to let others influence her. Her family and friends hated me for one reason or another. I was too blunt. Wasn't the same religion as them. Wasn't the same ethnicity. Have red hair. Lived out of town making my GF unable to visit family and friends as often. 9 yrs of these people being like this and she always stuck up for our relationship. I don't see them or some guy swaying her over now. Unless they have worn her down? Has my horrid treatment of her simply blown it?
My mom says it sounds like she likes this other guy and wants to see what there could be with but still use me for a place to live and save some money for herself before she moves on with him. Since he will be helping her with school, she might get drawn to him as she did me. She said she uses me for my money and so forth and never loved me and I was just something convinant to hold on to. GF went through gastric bypass few years ago and now that she has self confidence Mom beleives she thinks she can do "better" and find someone with more money. I had an ex who cheated on my for three years and said in the end that she was better than me in everyway and I was out of her league.

Friends say it sounds like she is cheating or likes the guy. Brother says to give it a shot and try to change and she likes the dude and to compete with him. Show her I love her and how I really feel. Do the best I can. Spoil her. And if she leaves, then its all on her.
I just don't know what to do. I don't want to loose her. I love her so much. As I said, she is brightens up my day. I look forward all day to be with her and I try my hardest and I will try my hardest even more so to make her happy. Example, I hate theme parks and rides. She always wanted to go. So I'll take her this coming month, I'll go on every freakin ride. I'll try to be more fun and spontanious. I just hope all this I do is not for nothing and in vain.

Any advice or opinions on the situation would be appreciated. Seems this turned out




A LOT LONGER than I intended. SO sorry.





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