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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi All,

I'll try to make this short and as unbiased as possible. I really need some feedback on the following situation.

Background: We're in our late 30s...My boyfriend of 3 months repeatedly insists that I should "own up" to a label that he gives me of having Borderline Personality Disorder. My Drs. have not diagnosed me with BPD, but I definitely have issues that are found in BPD, such as anxiety, depression, alcohol abuse, anger etc. My boyfriend has BPD himself, and quite a bit of mental health profession experience, so I do believe he knows what he's talking about.

That said, my concern is that he has only known me for 3 months; seems dead set on calling me Borderline, and will argue with me that I need to "own up" to the diagnosis he is giving me or that we can't be together. I tell him that I am actively getting treatment for the source problems that I listed above, but that I have not been told by a professional that I have BPD, and that I don't believe accepting that label from him will have any impact on my mental health improvement. He on the other hand is not in active treatment for his BPD, so I don't feel like he has a right to tell me that I need to own up to what he tells me I am. He has no plans of seeking treatment, which makes me worry about any possibility of us working out long term. I don't understand why someone with so much mental health experience would be more interested in telling someone he loves that they need to own up to a particular label, than wanting to support her in her current path to healing.

I need honest feedback here. Am I wrong for asking him to stop labeling me, and start seeking help for himself? I do have difficult issues which might in the end be BPD, but until a Dr diagnoses me, what benefit does it have to either my boyfriend or I to call me BPD? Could he be projecting? Does he just want to be right and not actually care about being supportive to me?

Thanks,





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