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Hi All,

I'll try to make this short and as unbiased as possible. I really need some feedback on the following situation.

Background: We're in our late 30s...My boyfriend of 3 months repeatedly insists that I should "own up" to a label that he gives me of having Borderline Personality Disorder. My Drs. have not diagnosed me with BPD, but I definitely have issues that are found in BPD, such as anxiety, depression, alcohol abuse, anger etc. My boyfriend has BPD himself, and quite a bit of mental health profession experience, so I do believe he knows what he's talking about.

That said, my concern is that he has only known me for 3 months; seems dead set on calling me Borderline, and will argue with me that I need to "own up" to the diagnosis he is giving me or that we can't be together. I tell him that I am actively getting treatment for the source problems that I listed above, but that I have not been told by a professional that I have BPD, and that I don't believe accepting that label from him will have any impact on my mental health improvement. He on the other hand is not in active treatment for his BPD, so I don't feel like he has a right to tell me that I need to own up to what he tells me I am. He has no plans of seeking treatment, which makes me worry about any possibility of us working out long term. I don't understand why someone with so much mental health experience would be more interested in telling someone he loves that they need to own up to a particular label, than wanting to support her in her current path to healing.

I need honest feedback here. Am I wrong for asking him to stop labeling me, and start seeking help for himself? I do have difficult issues which might in the end be BPD, but until a Dr diagnoses me, what benefit does it have to either my boyfriend or I to call me BPD? Could he be projecting? Does he just want to be right and not actually care about being supportive to me?

I have Borderline Personality Disorder myself, and after finding out about all the symptoms and characteristics of it I think I was subconsciously placing people in the same category as me when I noticed these similarities. But that is Not Healthy and Not Anyone's Job but the Professional. Plus, Trust me when I say this, you don't want or need a Label. You are doing the right thing by seeking help, he is doing the opposite by forcing his ideas on you when he himself refuses to get help.. considering the effects of BPD on a persons relationships, I don't think he is quite ready to take on that challenge 100% as he needs to help himself first. You have to Want help in order to get better. I think you already know the answer to your question, dear. 3 months is not long enough to jeopardize your mental health over someone else's opinion. Insisting that "this is the way it is" is a very close-minded, black and white way of thinking, especially for someone with no professional background in the industry. I've been in the Psych Ward and Dr Office/Hospital every week for years, but I am not a Doctor Or a Psychiatrist. Don't let him bully you into his beliefs. If he refuses to get help for his Disorder then you may need to seek help on your own. I'm sorry, I know it's difficult but I think you knew that already. Cheers. <3

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