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Hi All,

I'll try to make this short and as unbiased as possible. I really need some feedback on the following situation.

Background: We're in our late 30s...My boyfriend of 3 months repeatedly insists that I should "own up" to a label that he gives me of having Borderline Personality Disorder. My Drs. have not diagnosed me with BPD, but I definitely have issues that are found in BPD, such as anxiety, depression, alcohol abuse, anger etc. My boyfriend has BPD himself, and quite a bit of mental health profession experience, so I do believe he knows what he's talking about.

That said, my concern is that he has only known me for 3 months; seems dead set on calling me Borderline, and will argue with me that I need to "own up" to the diagnosis he is giving me or that we can't be together. I tell him that I am actively getting treatment for the source problems that I listed above, but that I have not been told by a professional that I have BPD, and that I don't believe accepting that label from him will have any impact on my mental health improvement. He on the other hand is not in active treatment for his BPD, so I don't feel like he has a right to tell me that I need to own up to what he tells me I am. He has no plans of seeking treatment, which makes me worry about any possibility of us working out long term. I don't understand why someone with so much mental health experience would be more interested in telling someone he loves that they need to own up to a particular label, than wanting to support her in her current path to healing.

I need honest feedback here. Am I wrong for asking him to stop labeling me, and start seeking help for himself? I do have difficult issues which might in the end be BPD, but until a Dr diagnoses me, what benefit does it have to either my boyfriend or I to call me BPD? Could he be projecting? Does he just want to be right and not actually care about being supportive to me?

I think he is projecting big-time. It seems to be unreasonably important to him that you admit to being BPD. Who knows why, but I think that you can trust your professional advisors over someone who has goodness knows what agenda around this. Given that you are doing the work, it is beside the point to have a label placed on you. Also, his having this disorder (or any mental health issue) does not mean he has any more insight or diagnostic abilities than any other unqualified person. Stick to your therapy and don't be second-guessed or undermined by anyone. Sera

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