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Relationship Health Message Board

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So confused
Oct 20, 2016
My wife and I have been married for about eight years now. We have two children, one teenager who is not mine biologically but I adopted, and a pre-schooler who is mine (they're both mine legally and ethically/morally as far as I'm concerned).

Lately, my wife has been complaining that I'm not engaged, which seems crazy to me because I am engaged in our very busy life (40 hour/week job, feeding the kids because get home first, taking the kids to their extracurriculars, etc.). I get tired around 9:30-10 and am exhausted. Our son's extracurricular is like a part-time job right now. We're spread thin and busy well into the evening. Her complaint is that I don't pursue her sexually and that is unusual for a man to not be into sex ... I'm 41 years old by the way. My libido is quite low for me (I've always been very sexual), but I try to explain to her that when I'm zonked at 11 o'clock and she is getting a second glass of wine and putting her feet up to look at her tablet to look at social media that sends a signal to me that she isn't interested in sex. She says that I'm supposed to be more assertive that I want sex. Well, when I'm tired from my job and all the activity of the day I don't have the energy. Why should I have to bring all the sexual energy to the table? She says that when she initiates I shoot her down, which isn't a fair statement. Sometimes I do, but men get turned down for sex too and if we make a big deal of it we're shamed for it.

I've suggested counseling, but she does not really want to do that. She suggested she thought I was having an affair. Really? When would I possibly have time let alone the energy? Honestly, I work with a lot of women, so why on earth would I want to add yet another woman to my life? No thank you.

But anyway, I need to figure out how to proceed because there is truth to some of the things she says (e.g. not being emotionally engaged or not being a bit more assertive that I'd like sex), but some of the things she says puts the blame for the problem all on me as though I need to fix our problems.

On a side note, can someone explain to me the tags below?I try to add tags but am told that I'm not allowed to make new tags and that I have to use pre-existing tags.Well, what in the heck are the pre-existing tags that I can use?

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