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[QUOTE=YaYagirl;5448280]Dear Charles,

I remember you now. To hear what is said you have to open your mind.
If you think I don't know what you were saying, you don't know what I wrote.

First of all, the saying 'When you stop looking for love, you will find it' is just a saying.
Sometimes it happens that way. Sometimes it doesn't. maybe you will never have romantic love. Not everyone does. We cannot predict your future.

Life is not easy. It is easy to look at what others have and think they got it easily. More often or not they struggled a long time and did some very uncomfortable things to get what they have and where they are at.

Meanwhile the more important message is 'get a life'. Get interested in life. You choose the parts that interest you. No one can do that for you. If you have no interests except the opposite sex and work and yourself, that's pretty boring for most. Maybe you can expand your interests. Whether you do is up to you.

How does anyone know in advance whether someone is available or taken or will even like us or if we would like the person? [I]No one knows that[/I]. Personally as a woman I would not reveal to anyone I don't know whether or not I am 'available'. Not even if I were single. That is not the business of anyone I don't know.

It is just reality that when you don't take time to get to know women before you try to get close you are not really seeking a real person. What you might want to ask yourself is why you are so focused on what you don't have that you cannot see that someone that has a mate already still might be just the person that has a relative or a single friend that might suit you. What happened to accepting others as people of value, even when they personally cannot fufill our desires? What kind of thinking is that?

Going about with the question 'Are YOU the One?' is not treating others with any kind of respect. Yes you are right that you can expect to get nothing from that kind of approach. No self-respecting person when they first meet is ready to deal with the question 'Are YOU the one?'

Loving people is 'giving with no thought of return'. Self-centeredness, whether it is from shyness or lack of self-assurance is still a turn off to others. We do need to get over ourselves. Not everyone gets a mate, that is a fact of life. Not everything is easy for all people, that is a fact of life. But you are not dead yet, so there is hope for you.

My life has been incredibly difficult for many reasons. As a youth, I was incredibly self-conscious and worried that no one would like me. I grew up and changed my mind when I saw everyone is worried about themselves and what they don't have. I realized I can care for others whether they understand or care about me or not. From there I have found some real friends and a mate. I have made many mistakes along the way about who cares back. Who doesn't?

It seems that you want to believe there is no hope, no one understands you, you have done everything possible to do, every single female in the world is taken, there is nothing else you can do, etc. So, ask yourself why are you asking us the question?[/QUOTE]


To be fair, you don't know my situation, you don't know my life and you don't know me. It's unfair for you to assume things about me. I am much more complex than the way I express myself here. [I]Oh, and I do very much have a life, thanks.[/I]

To be honest, and I know you won't believe it, but I've always been the "nice guy." I've always been the guy who gets spoken over in social functions, the guy who expresses interest interest in girls but always gets friend-zoned, the guy who watches as his friends go after and get his love interest, after he confides in them.. and I've been rejected in cruel ways by girls several times. And when I say cruel I mean cruel. When you're constantly made to feel like you don't matter and it seems like the Universe and timing just don't seem to be in your favor ever, you get really really sad for awhile. Then you get angry.

The anger and has to go somewhere, and you see it here. Sorry, but I'd rather express it that way than bang my head against the wall all the time. And before anyone asks, yes I do, see a counsellor.

I would also like to clear up this misconception: I am not looking for a girlfriend to fill my sadness, or void, or to even be 'the one.' [I]My life is perfectly fine[/I]. Wanting a relationship is a perfectly fine and natural thing to want. I have a career, and I'm at a point in my life where I genuinely want someone else to be a part of it. But it seems so out of touch. Is that so crazy?

So why ask the question? Because I'm not hopeless. I'm searching for that answer, and I'm going to keep digging, and digging and digging everywhere I can until I find that answer.





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