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I am 56, married 33 years, two grown children out of the house, 4 siblings, husband cant maintain due to meds (so no sex or even intimacy of any kind), two sisters (oldest and youngest) are very needy financially and depend on me to supplement them all the time (which I tend to do cuz I feel bad), brother asks me once in a while (in the last year have purchased computers for my oldest sister and brother - they didnt ask, but they kept calling me with computer issues where i'd have to run over there and try to fix it and when I couldn't decided it was in MY best interest to get them new ones), husband doesnt know any of this and I'm afraid I give off to him my anxiety over it. He sees this and wonders why i am like this. I can't tell him, for sure he would leave. He and I have mentioned divorce in the past. My middle sister recently got an ugly divorce and now lives with new boyfriend. Whenever i go over their apartment my husband thinks they are filling my head about leaving my marriage. There are lots of things that are wrong with it.

My middle sister when my mom was alive would always call, text me when am i seeing mom, did i call her. I never minded because i was always there for my mom and didnt need her to do this, mostly she did so we could coordinate who was going when. But, now she is doing the same thing with me about our oldest sister whom lives alone and is a widower (3 years). Oldest sister was waiting for test results to come back and thought she had colon cancer so she cried to me that she wanted to see her grandchildren. Of course, she can't afford to fly so middle sister and i pay for her to go. well, day she comes back she stops by my work and is a mess. crying and so upset and said 'that was no vacation.' she then went on to tell me what a mess her son's life is. so her initial thought of returning there went out the window.

tonight i see middle and oldest sister. trying to figure out how to tell them i've had enough. i will see oldest sister when i can and won't be guilted into seeing her. oldest sister said once that she has a small circle of people she feels comfortable around. how do i tell her that's not fair to us or her because she has no friends outside of family and whoever our friends are.

I am so tired. I know one response I'll get is to stop giving them money. I've told them recently that i wont be supporting them financially since i had to save for my son's wedding. but still whenever i have dinner with my oldest sister i pay for us both plus give her a few bucks. Once in a while she makes dinner at her place. My youngest sister just texted me and said ' i know you said... but we are desperate.' so i ordered her food and paid with my card on the phone. while i was going through an old cell phone there was an email from her from four years ago, basically saying the same thing! in that email she said she would get herself together because i shouldnt burden myself with her problems. That never happened and i doubt it ever will.

I am pouring myself out here because i don't have anyone to talk to. I really don't want to burden my friends with this. I thought there'd be many more people here that may have experienced some of what I'm going through.

There is more to the story but I think i've bent your ear enough for the moment.

take care, and thanks for any insight.





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