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Dear Con95,

In my experience, the hardest to learn fact about relating to others is that neither person lives under the other's skin and each person perceives things in a different manner. So, the same thing means something entirely different to each person.

I wasn't even there but I can safely say boyfriend didn't understand why you said what you said any more than you understood why he had not come out of the room. From what you reported I think your boyfriend seems discouraged that you say things in a way that he is unsure what you mean. Not knowing can make him feel embarrassed. Then making light of the whole communication didn't fix it, as here you are feeling that the communication means he might not love you. I think neither of you understand how each other thinks. That isn't something people learn right away. So, rather than take a miscommunication as an insult, understand that how you feel in an exchange doesn't define who he is or who you are.

Males simply do not process things the same as females. Males & females usually accept and like the physical differences but are not taught or else are too impatient to learn the differences in how males & females think also really compliments the opposite sex. So we can take those normal human differences personally and get upset with what we simply didn't understand.

Asking why something upset someone else is like asking 'why doesn't he take things exactly like I do'. The reason is - he is not you and you are not him. It is nothing personally against you. I can bet that he has no idea what you mean by some of the things you say. Just reading the words you popped off to him in the first post, I can see why he became defensive.

The more polite and respectful thing would have been to get up and go into the other room and just kindly say "we are all ready to go, are you?". Or ask "what can I do to help get things done so we can leave?". It is impersonal and not good for a relationship to use one or two word statements or a phone to communicate from another room in the building.

From your other posts it seems to me that now that you have a child in the picture you aren't sure if you even want to settle down with the father. Is that true?

It really needs to be figured out between the two of you whether you two are going to commit to parenting together or apart, that is if you want the co-parenting to work. You need to get to know who he is as a person (no one speaks exactly the way we expect or prefer).

If you don't take time to make that decision there will be no closeness in the relationship. It cannot thrive based on the ups and downs of female emotions...a male can never understand what or how we feel. It has nothing to do with whether or not he loves you. It's up to us to take learn to speak directly of what we need or want and never assume the other person knows.

Love,
[QUOTE=YaYagirl;5453844]Dear Con95,

In my experience, the hardest to learn fact about relating to others is that neither person lives under the other's skin and each person perceives things in a different manner. So, the same thing means something entirely different to each person.

I wasn't even there but I can safely say boyfriend didn't understand why you said what you said any more than you understood why he had not come out of the room. From what you reported I think your boyfriend seems discouraged that you say things in a way that he is unsure what you mean. Not knowing can make him feel embarrassed. Then making light of the whole communication didn't fix it, as here you are feeling that the communication means he might not love you. I think neither of you understand how each other thinks. That isn't something people learn right away. So, rather than take a miscommunication as an insult, understand that how you feel in an exchange doesn't define who he is or who you are.

Males simply do not process things the same as females. Males & females usually accept and like the physical differences but are not taught or else are too impatient to learn the differences in how males & females think also really compliments the opposite sex. So we can take those normal human differences personally and get upset with what we simply didn't understand.

Asking why something upset someone else is like asking 'why doesn't he take things exactly like I do'. The reason is - he is not you and you are not him. It is nothing personally against you. I can bet that he has no idea what you mean by some of the things you say. Just reading the words you popped off to him in the first post, I can see why he became defensive.

The more polite and respectful thing would have been to get up and go into the other room and just kindly say "we are all ready to go, are you?". Or ask "what can I do to help get things done so we can leave?". It is impersonal and not good for a relationship to use one or two word statements or a phone to communicate from another room in the building.

From your other posts it seems to me that now that you have a child in the picture you aren't sure if you even want to settle down with the father. Is that true?

It really needs to be figured out between the two of you whether you two are going to commit to parenting together or apart, that is if you want the co-parenting to work. You need to get to know who he is as a person (no one speaks exactly the way we expect or prefer).

If you don't take time to make that decision there will be no closeness in the relationship. It cannot thrive based on the ups and downs of female emotions...a male can never understand what or how we feel. It has nothing to do with whether or not he loves you. It's up to us to take learn to speak directly of what we need or want and never assume the other person knows.

Love,[/QUOTE]
I don't believe everyone perceives things the same just as no one looks the same so I totally agree with what you're saying however I don't believe men and women are like Venus and mars we're all human
Absolutely agree that walking in the room would have been better although at the time wasn't an option, the "what are you doing" comment sounds bad if read but I can assure you it was more casual then it seems and I asked him why that made him mad trying to get an insight to why what I had said made him feel the way it did. I have all intentions to have a future and extend our family with my boyfriend but there's some things that need working on like in most relationships, a lot of the time I write on here as a way to try and see our issues from a different perspective one that I might not otherwise think of, thank you for your response I really appreciate you taking the time to reply





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