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Relationship Health Message Board

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So when I am in relationships I feel like I don't have a life. I feel like I focus on the person I am with and that everything else takes a back seat. Every time I have a boyfriend this happens. I worry too much, have too much anxiety, I get suspicious, I don't trust them. When I am away from them, thoughts race through my head. I have flashbacks of the past and what I've dealt with.

My last boyfriend had a drug problem and I stayed with him. I believe he cheated on me multiple times since the first time we were together he left me for his daughter's mother. I tried to do what I could to get him to love me, to make him happy, to please him etc and it was not enough. Now I am emotionally scarred and this happen about a year and a half ago. My first boyfriend I had when I was a teenager was 6 years older than me (I am 25 now) and he cheated on me, tried to control me, his family said nasty things to me and he would do nothing about it. 10 years later I am still scarred from that. I have never had a boyfriend that I completely trusted. Two of my relationships (my longest one and the one im currently in) I felt like I trusted them for about 2 or 3 weeks before I'd lash out at them and pick fights. I feel like if I am not doing things to occupy my time while I am in my current relationship and Im away from him, that I sit in my room and think all day. I worry about him, worry about what hes doing, who he is with, who is at his house, what is being said etc.

On top of that, when we got together he was in between jobs and now we think he lost his job again. He has his own things hes dealing with and I have my own things I am dealing with. My dad died 4 months ago so theres anger from that and maybe I shouldn't have gotten with someone so soon, but I was single for a year and he made me feel good about myself. He acted like he cared (he commented on a status I wrote about my dad on F.B.) and I liked the idea of having a new man in my life. But it seems when I get with someone I get bored quickly. I expect too much and think I let myself down each time. I want things guys can't give me or they don't give me right away. I feel like their ex girlfriends were the "love of their lives" and they treated them better than they treat me. I feel this way because I look at their past posts on F.B.. I feel like I'll never meet the guy who will treat me like Im the best girlfriend hes ever had. They all act like they care about what Ive went through in my life when they just want to use me.

I also feel like my friends want nothing to do with me. Half the time I text or message them on F.B. they dont respond. I think I annoy them because I talk about my relationship problems a lot.

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