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Relationship Health Message Board

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Dear Dakotar,

Each woman and each pregnancy is different. And take into consideration that the relationship with the first woman you got pregnant did not work out. So, there is no reason whatsoever to expect this different woman to be like the first mother of one of your children. You don't really want her to be do you?

You got involved with a woman without learning anything about females, hon. The information is out there for anyone to read. Now how are you going be together or stay together? This isn't about giving space to see if she misses you. Now she has a huge responsibility that neither of you protected her from. You cannot know how she feels about this. She likely doesn't even know how she feels about it. It isn't like you two were married and were trying to have a pregnancy. You didn't ask her to marry you. You need to put your own needs aside and wait for the mother of your child to want you around. She didn't even get a chance to say she wants a permanent relationship and now she is already tied to you. If you do want this to work, you need to try to get past yourself and consider how it is to be in her shoes.

Hon, I am trying to give you some reality about where you two are at. Maybe both of you really are crazy about each other. I certainly hope so, but you must know that love emotions go up and down daily depending on what is going on. Now she has physical and emotional pregnancy needs and you don't know how to be with her and you feel afraid. That means you have to listen to her and be sensitive to what she says, because you will never be pregnant or know what she goes through. You must listen and be sensitive to her where she is at. She will be all over the place. That is what the pregnancy hormones do to most females.

See what I mean? is fear love? or is love commitment even when you feel fear? You can deal with your past and you can choose to let go of it. Or you can hang on to the past and repeat it. That is your only choice.

Love is a decision and needs to be stable. Are you up for that?
How you feel about this has nothing to do with the pain and suffering of pregnancy, or the fact that she is now pregnant out of wedlock to someone she barely knows and is not sure she can trust because you two don't have a long enough history together of normal ups and downs of life, yet.

It seems that each of you make hasty decisions. So, yes you both did that. now allow her space to have her ups and downs of pregnancy, because sir, it seems natural to you but can be a scary roller-coaster to a woman. I am hoping you don't make her pregnancy all about you and your insecurity. That will quickly scare her away.

Now you need to show YOUR love. She is incubating a baby. That now comes first before how either she or you feel about each other. Feelings change as you well know. What matters right now is your commitment. Are you committed to doing what it takes to make this work, or to your fears about the past? Only you can decide.

Sorry, but no one should have to tell the opposite sex to read up on what females go through. This gal is not the other gal, so let the past go. You both jumped into this situation without enough information to make it work. Relationships don't work on their own. Life problems aren't about whether you or she feels love. Now full reality hits hard.

I am sharing as a long term married woman that did relationships both ways, child out of wedlock and child in wedlock. You cannot imagine what is going through her mind or how her body feels. If you want her in your life, you need to rise above your own needs and consider hers.

Anyway, I gave you some reality. It's up to you what you do with it.

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