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I met this guy through a mutual friend. I was 24 and he was 25 at the time. I had no luck in relationships and he was on a break from a 6 year relationship. He opened up about his situation fairly early on: he met his ex at 16, introduced her to his parents, they planned their future together but then lost the spark, so they decided to take a break in-order to come back together later. When we met, we agreed to a casual relationship. I didn't agree until I realized that I really enjoyed his company and talking to him.

We kept this secret-casual relationship up for 4 years, fell in love with each other along the way, and now we're stuck. I tried on many attempts to leave. I'd get into relationships with other people but no one could compare to Davi. He tried to go back to his ex whenever I left as well, only to come back to me saying it's just not the same with her anymore since he's met me. He said he has a better connection with me.

Now fast forward to Nov/Dec of 2017. His parents are pushing him to get married. He gets into a shouting match with his parents, saying "why won't you let me do what I want to do!". His mom starts crying and he eventually tells them he's okay with whatever they decide. So they arrange his wedding to be August 31st, 2018. He and his ex have already confessed they don't feel the same for each other anymore, but they have been trying to make it work for their parents. She's been doing everything she possibly can, but he told me all he can see from her are the negatives because he's in love with me.

We tried to end "us" on many occasions, both sinking into deep depression, only to come back to each other time and time again. He even went as far as saying, "This pre-wedding photoshoot feels like the beginning of our marriage and I need to commit 100%. I will forget you. Take care", only to come back contacting me like crazy to say he spent 5 days with his "fiance" and even kissing her but not feeling a thing. He told me there were so many times he wanted to just leave, but he felt so guilty because her/his family are extremely happy about this union. He told me their pre-wedding photos look like they're the happiest couple, but it couldn't be farther from the truth.

We've even entertained the idea of an affair several times, but we both know that'll just end up being a painful path for everyone. I've prayed since I fell in love with him, that there can be some way for us to be together. I stopped praying once he agreed to the wedding. But for some reason, I've regained my faith and I have started to pray every night - even when ALL odds are against us. Praying that the almighty and all-powerful God can make the impossible possible and help me to believe in love again. Praying that he will find the strength to back-out before it's too late. He entertains the idea of divorcing, but I know it's not that easy, and he'll eventually just be stuck in a marriage that may or may not make him happy.

What am I to do?
But not everyone marries for love. I think it's important to convey that we come from different cultures. His culture is very strict about marrying someone from the same background. I think his parents emotionally black-mailed him because 1st he found depression pills by his father's bedside & he thought he gave his father depression, then his mom started crying when they got in a shouting match which led him to finally say "ok". If he backs out of this wedding now, his parents will kick him out. He's never lived away from home - it's part of his culture.

My counselor has told me that from what I've shared with her, it does sound like two people that were in love. But it's a tale as old as time, she said, where some people get married but they're in love with someone else. On top of that, there are many people who are married & really should be divorced but aren't because they've gotten comfortable with their lifestyle & community.

My counselor shared that during couples therapy, one women got up & angrily left. In that moment, the man finally admitted he had been having an affair & is in love but found it unfair to his wife to leave her. So he dropped the affair & stayed in a miserable marriage.

His fiance wants them to do counseling right after they marry & he's told me he plans to lie the entire time - never admitting the real reason why he hesitated on getting back together with her for so long. At the same time, they'll be working on trying to get the spark back.





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