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Relationship Health Message Board


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I've been dating my boyfriend for a year. We both have children. Mine is an 8 year old girl and his are a 27 year old son and 24 year old daughter. I've met his son several times and we get along well. I haven't met his daughter yet though he's wanted me to but I think she's always come up with an excuse not to.

He and his ex divorced 20 years ago and not long after she took the kids to another state. He fought it to no avail. His son eventually moved back with him and he did see his daughter regularly. His ex and daughter eventually moved back to the area he lives in and she lived with him for a few years. During those few years she dated a guy and was hardly ever around her Dad then decided to move out to be closer to work and school and broke up with her boyfriend during that time. After about a year she moved in with her mother and brother.
My boyfriend has had a couple other relationships but his daughter was not living in the area while those were going on. Then I come along and I don't think she quite knows how to handle it since she's never been around when he's with someone.
She suddenly is bringing up resentment from her parent's divorce 20 years ago and making my boyfriend feel extremely guilty. I'm not saying that she doesn't actually have problems and these things can affect a person for a lifetime, but the timing seems odd and coincidental to me. I know she's finally going to counseling which is a positive but I can't help but thinking some of this is a jealousy thing. I honestly don't think she knows how to deal with Daddy being serious with a woman. I've heard her make comments on the phone about how I'm at "their" house every weekend (its really the only place we can be together because he has dogs and it's just more convenient for me to go there so he doesn't have to get someone to either watch them or bring them along) Plus we live about two hours from each other so it's not like I can just make a quick trip to see him for dinner and we both work and I have my daughter half the week.
I honestly feel like she's trying to drive a wedge between us. He said she's never acted like this before. She has literally told him that he's her best friend, which I don't think is healthy for a 24 year old woman. The guilt trip is working on him too because he's spending less time with me to make up time with his kids. I don't want to resent that time, but I can't help feeling like a convenience. I thought we were building something together and now it kind of feels like I'm losing it all. I honestly don't know how to delicately broach the whole situation with him. I don't begrudge him spending time with his kids and have made sure I'm giving him space to do that but now it feels that's not even enough. I'm not the type to give ultimatums but I have to stand up for myself and need to know where I stand and where the relationship I thought we were building stands.....





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