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Friendship advice
May 6, 2020
Hi guys, im in need of whatever suggestions and help can be offered.

I have been in a friendship with my X for about 2 years now, previously we were in a relationship for about 1 year. I am a recovering alcoholic and have also been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. This is my first ever emotional relationship.

Our relationship has been very rocky, and I feel it is hanging on by a string.

I have been very disrespectful to her, she has given me a lot in terms of help, and just general giving and caring. If i do something that she doesn't like then she tells me, but I continue the behavior as if I never heard a word she said!

There is also a lot of vindictive behavior that goes on. I gave her gifts and she left them at my front door, as if to say she doesn't want to accept these gifts, I then in turn threw them on the driveway where she parks. Typical tit for tat and reactive behavior.

She has also hit me with some pretty low blows, for example during the lock down period I messaged her to see if she was ok and if she needed anything, her response was i quote "you have nothing lol"

I see this as a pretty low hit, and I personally would never go that low and never have. This leads me to extreme paranoia. I start to question her intentions in the relationship and weather she is working with other people to intentionally lead me on or intentionally hurt me. The paranoia has been quite an issue for sometime now. I feel like she is able to read my messages on messenger and monitor my internet behavior.

She is constantly questioning me about tinder and my dating life and in turn telling me about hers. We are very close and we know each other very well and this leaves me extremely vulnerable. A situation I have no experience in.

When we have arguments she constantly blocks me then when we make up again, she unblocks me and sends me a new friend request. I have expressed to her that I don't like this behavior and she continued to do it, so I blocked her and have had her blocked on all platforms of communication and she is still blocked.

She is visibly upset when we do see or engage with each other, but she always makes comments that we need to get some distance and I need to let her go when she finds someone etc, but I have no feelings for her as more then a friend, however I truly value our friendship and would like it to be a positive friendship and caring friendship rather then all the constant arguing.


My normal behavior when things are not sitting well with her and we are not getting on I will run back to her and apologize and make things right. However we always end up back in the same situation. So this time I have taken a step back to think and reflect so I can try to make the best decision.

Things have been extremely rocky with our relationship in terms of my drinking when we were together and on the odd occasion during our friendship. She often goes out with other people like her flatmate etc when we are arguing when when we are talking she if complaining to me about him.

Also, at night she often txts me when shes in bed, almost like flirty messages but i'm not sure if it is or if she is just being close? I never thought about it before but she would send me GIFs and late night goodnight messages etc. I seem to be getting very mixed messages.

I know this is a bit of a essay and a rant, but I would just like an outside opinion on the relationship as a whole and possibly advice moving forward.

Thanks
[QUOTE=Brad66s;5503185]Hi guys, im in need of whatever suggestions and help can be offered.

I have been in a friendship with my X for about 2 years now, previously we were in a relationship for about 1 year. I am a recovering alcoholic and have also been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. This is my first ever emotional relationship.

Our relationship has been very rocky, and I feel it is hanging on by a string.

I have been very disrespectful to her, she has given me a lot in terms of help, and just general giving and caring. If i do something that she doesn't like then she tells me, but I continue the behavior as if I never heard a word she said!

There is also a lot of vindictive behavior that goes on. I gave her gifts and she left them at my front door, as if to say she doesn't want to accept these gifts, I then in turn threw them on the driveway where she parks. Typical tit for tat and reactive behavior.

She has also hit me with some pretty low blows, for example during the lock down period I messaged her to see if she was ok and if she needed anything, her response was i quote "you have nothing lol"

I see this as a pretty low hit, and I personally would never go that low and never have. This leads me to extreme paranoia. I start to question her intentions in the relationship and weather she is working with other people to intentionally lead me on or intentionally hurt me. The paranoia has been quite an issue for sometime now. I feel like she is able to read my messages on messenger and monitor my internet behavior.

She is constantly questioning me about tinder and my dating life and in turn telling me about hers. We are very close and we know each other very well and this leaves me extremely vulnerable. A situation I have no experience in.

When we have arguments she constantly blocks me then when we make up again, she unblocks me and sends me a new friend request. I have expressed to her that I don't like this behavior and she continued to do it, so I blocked her and have had her blocked on all platforms of communication and she is still blocked.

She is visibly upset when we do see or engage with each other, but she always makes comments that we need to get some distance and I need to let her go when she finds someone etc, but I have no feelings for her as more then a friend, however I truly value our friendship and would like it to be a positive friendship and caring friendship rather then all the constant arguing.


My normal behavior when things are not sitting well with her and we are not getting on I will run back to her and apologize and make things right. However we always end up back in the same situation. So this time I have taken a step back to think and reflect so I can try to make the best decision.

Things have been extremely rocky with our relationship in terms of my drinking when we were together and on the odd occasion during our friendship. She often goes out with other people like her flatmate etc when we are arguing when when we are talking she if complaining to me about him.

Also, at night she often txts me when shes in bed, almost like flirty messages but i'm not sure if it is or if she is just being close? I never thought about it before but she would send me GIFs and late night goodnight messages etc. I seem to be getting very mixed messages.

I know this is a bit of a essay and a rant, but I would just like an outside opinion on the relationship as a whole and possibly advice moving forward.

Thanks[/QUOTE]


Brad, I think there is some sort of obsession within this friendship. I have been there with an ex of mine as well. The only difference is we became very respectful to one another after we became just friends. It is not easy to be in a friendship when one still loves the other either. I think she puts up with some of the things you are doing because she enjoys the attention.

When two people once loved each other and then arguing occurs it can cause a unhealthy obsession to keep it going. You may want to either end the friendship or try to keep the friendship without the arguing. I never argued with my ex while we maintained the friendship. I hope your friendship with her improves.





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