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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


um...actually...all signs point to 'he lost my number' or 'he has a girlfriend' if we wanna be that negative about it. and i *have* tried looking for other people, but almost got raped in the process. and all i can think of when i'm with other guys is andrew.

...he's the only one who has ever had at least *some* feelings for me, with the exception of a pedophile who dated me when i was 14 and he was 18, and talked about 'how i'd look good in anything...or nothing' over the phone. f***ing creep. right after he said that i made it damn clear i didn't want anything to do with him.
-another guy wanted to be friends with benefits...i came over to his place to hang out w/him and he ended up ripping my clothes off and asking me about 'my biggest fear about sex' and asking about my non-existant 'fantasies.' made up a curfew and left...i was 14.
-only other guy besides andrew i can remember having real feelings for treated me like s***...he was ok with me, then all of a sudden we liked each other, then for no reason he hated me...slept with junior high girls [both of us are in h.s.]...and that repeated 2 more times. look, *points to left arm* i even have a memento of him. *flashes scar that says 'F*** U RYAN'*
-i've almost been raped by a junior high kid......he talked about 'making [a Penthouse] of our own' if he got his camera...::shudders::

see, andrew is the only guy that i have ever cared about that actually has/had feelings for me. or was damn good at pretending, but either way my time with him was the happiest time of my life. sounds cheesy, but...all i ever feel is fear, sadness, anger, hate, guilt after eating, 'why won't anyone listen to me?!?',depression, and knowing i'll never be andrea. [anorexic girl at my old school; perfect body; stole every single guy i wanted--about 6 of them--away from me]...andrew...made me feel like i was good enough to be loved. like my body was good enough as-is. christ, i looked pregnant when i met him, but he didn't care. FINALLY, a guy that doesn't refer to me as 'less pushin for the cushion.' and i know he WILL call me someday, cuz his mom loves me so she'll probly give him my # within the next day or so if she hasn't already.


first off, don't start saying i don't have confidence when i say this, that is BS i always act confident unless someone like my stepdad is around to tear me down. but...no one will take a 34AA, round-stomached goth girl with moles all over her entire body and a big forehead slashed with scars from a car accident, thinning hair, back&chest acne, yellow teeth, borderline personality [pretty damn sure i have it but i stay away from shrinks and their pills...seen 'em from age 7-15, never again...20 lb. gain in a week, harrassment, and crippling 14-day withdrawal to name a few reasons], fat cheeks (on my face!!), and eyebrows that always make me look pissed [not the shape, but how they push down on my face]...over a perfectly-perfect cheerleader or a damn lucky paperdoll.......
so who is attracted to me? hmm...from my experience: little boys, pedophiles, perverts, people who just wanna f*** everyone, and people who think i'm a hooker just b/c of how i dress.
now, isn't andrew better than those? yes. don't tell me he's not, because you don't know him and you don't know me.
i have a feeling if i tell my age people will stop listening to me or tell me it'll all get better in 2 years, then 4 years, then 10...i'm just gonna say i am not old enough to live on my own. but i will be in 10 months. i can't drive. i don't have a job. so when people tell me to just travel more and meet new people...fraid that's impossible. i am definitely NOT a people person...i'll take my ps2 over being social ANY day. i hate people in general. so i have 2 friends [in iowa], and only 1 of them can drive, but she lives with her parents 1/2 an hour away from me and can rarely leave home.
make more friends, you say? i already told you what i look like. most people are scared i'll kill them or something. i can't be around cigarette smoke or i get stabbing chest pain...SO that severely limits the places i could go or who i could be in a car with, IF i could make friends with ppl that i actually want to be friends with. you say to look for other guys...but its not that easy!!
[QUOTE=xxFreakOfNaturexx]um...actually...all signs point to 'he lost my number' or 'he has a girlfriend' if we wanna be that negative about it. and i *have* tried looking for other people, but almost got raped in the process. and all i can think of when i'm with other guys is andrew.

...he's the only one who has ever had at least *some* feelings for me, with the exception of a pedophile who dated me when i was 14 and he was 18, and talked about 'how i'd look good in anything...or nothing' over the phone. f***ing creep. right after he said that i made it damn clear i didn't want anything to do with him.
-another guy wanted to be friends with benefits...i came over to his place to hang out w/him and he ended up ripping my clothes off and asking me about 'my biggest fear about sex' and asking about my non-existant 'fantasies.' made up a curfew and left...i was 14.
-only other guy besides andrew i can remember having real feelings for treated me like s***...he was ok with me, then all of a sudden we liked each other, then for no reason he hated me...slept with junior high girls [both of us are in h.s.]...and that repeated 2 more times. look, *points to left arm* i even have a memento of him. *flashes scar that says 'F*** U RYAN'*
-i've almost been raped by a junior high kid......he talked about 'making [a Penthouse] of our own' if he got his camera...::shudders::

see, andrew is the only guy that i have ever cared about that actually has/had feelings for me. or was damn good at pretending, but either way my time with him was the happiest time of my life. sounds cheesy, but...all i ever feel is fear, sadness, anger, hate, guilt after eating, 'why won't anyone listen to me?!?',depression, and knowing i'll never be andrea. [anorexic girl at my old school; perfect body; stole every single guy i wanted--about 6 of them--away from me]...andrew...made me feel like i was good enough to be loved. like my body was good enough as-is. christ, i looked pregnant when i met him, but he didn't care. FINALLY, a guy that doesn't refer to me as 'less pushin for the cushion.' and i know he WILL call me someday, cuz his mom loves me so she'll probly give him my # within the next day or so if she hasn't already.


first off, don't start saying i don't have confidence when i say this, that is BS i always act confident unless someone like my stepdad is around to tear me down. but...no one will take a 34AA, round-stomached goth girl with moles all over her entire body and a big forehead slashed with scars from a car accident, thinning hair, back&chest acne, yellow teeth, borderline personality [pretty damn sure i have it but i stay away from shrinks and their pills...seen 'em from age 7-15, never again...20 lb. gain in a week, harrassment, and crippling 14-day withdrawal to name a few reasons], fat cheeks (on my face!!), and eyebrows that always make me look pissed [not the shape, but how they push down on my face]...over a perfectly-perfect cheerleader or a damn lucky paperdoll.......
so who is attracted to me? hmm...from my experience: little boys, pedophiles, perverts, people who just wanna f*** everyone, and people who think i'm a hooker just b/c of how i dress.
now, isn't andrew better than those? yes. don't tell me he's not, because you don't know him and you don't know me.
i have a feeling if i tell my age people will stop listening to me or tell me it'll all get better in 2 years, then 4 years, then 10...i'm just gonna say i am not old enough to live on my own. but i will be in 10 months. i can't drive. i don't have a job. so when people tell me to just travel more and meet new people...fraid that's impossible. i am definitely NOT a people person...i'll take my ps2 over being social ANY day. i hate people in general. so i have 2 friends [in iowa], and only 1 of them can drive, but she lives with her parents 1/2 an hour away from me and can rarely leave home.
make more friends, you say? i already told you what i look like. most people are scared i'll kill them or something. i can't be around cigarette smoke or i get stabbing chest pain...SO that severely limits the places i could go or who i could be in a car with, IF i could make friends with ppl that i actually want to be friends with. you say to look for other guys...but its not that easy!![/QUOTE]





K i tried to be nice. but you need help. you really do you need counselling. there is no reason to be so down about yourself. who cares if you are a little over wieght, i bet there is a good quality for ever bad quality you listed. everyone thinks something is wrong with them, but really youre more beautiful than you know. not every guy wants a "perfect cheerleader" most guys that are worth your time just want a girl who is there and who loves them.

if you think people are not talking to you because of the way you look maybe you should change. i know its never good to change for other people, but you cant blame them for not wanting to talk to you if you look like you will rip thier heads off. a good idea-still do the whole goth thing but tone it down a little. if you need a job, go out and get one. dress nice and get an interview. as for the not driving thing. dont worry i dont have my licence either. and god i live like 10 min out in the boonies, its not the end of the world. it gives you some great time to walk, which will help you lose the wieght you dont want.


its okay not to like people. i infact hate people. ive got 2 girlfriends that i hang out with. and thats from a girl who used to be everyones friend. if you feel like you need to make more friends try to join a club or an organization of people with similar interests to yours.



[U]bottom line,[/U]

you need to like yourself before anyone else will. change your own life if you want it changed. no one is just gonna come to your house and say "hi im the magic life changer where do you want me to begin" while ur sitting there with your ps2 or whatever. get out there.





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