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Hi there everyone,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 13 months now, and apart from a few time and family issues, things couldn't be happier. We both feel secure and happy in our relationship, and no two people could enjoy eachothers company more.

My problem is entirely to do with me. I am obsessively uncomfortable about his [B]ex-girlfriend[/B]! I know her as an aquaintence, we work at the same place yet only really see eachother at functions...she's very attractive and outgoing - a people magnet. She's also rather...ahem...'sexually rampant' with guys, if you get my meaning, and while she is generally liked, some people do think of her as a bit of a b**ch (I am going from what people have said of her, and trying not to be bias in my description here.)

Anyway, she was my boyfriends first proper relationship (they went out for 1 year), and first sexual partner, and apparently, first love (though he claims he has found a deeper love with me than he had with her). Thats a lot of firsts all bundled into one women.
I obsess about all manner of things they did together, but mostly its what they did in bed and sexually - how and where and when. I don't know why! I'm disgusted to know, yet I still want to know...I get so upset when I hear about something they did and I [I]constantly [/I] compare myself to her, wondering if I size up. I'll hear about something they did, and spend all my energy trying to 'outdo' that one event, I suppose trying to whipe out all the good memories my boyfriend has of her to replace them with 'better' experiences with me. :dizzy:

I am a jealous person in general, and one of my biggest flaws is my tendancy to compare myself to others. I'm very concerned with how others see me. This mindless obsession with his ex-girlfriend is driving me crazy - and adding to that is the fact that lately she's been bad-mouthing me to others a bit lately and I'm terrified people will believe her and think negatively of me. Some say she's bitter because she still wants my boyfriend - and she's the type that [I]hates [/I] to lose.
Can anyone help me to rid myself of this baggage? How can I stop myself from getting so worked about about things they 'did'? :mad:
Please comment and share your opinions and advice. I'm getting desperate and this obsession is starting to impact on our relationship from my point of view (my boyfriend isn't entirely aware of the situation).

Tyger.
wow- you sound very frustrated with this whole situation- has your boyfriend ever given you any reason (other than he used to be with her) to worry this much about her and him?

I too am a very jealous person---which drives me crazy. I understand where you are coming from---I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now and his ex (of 3 years) comes into town to visit from time to time---the best part about all of this is that she first asked to stay with him and now that she knows that is not an option anymore she stays with his best friend. They are still friends and even talk and email from time to time-----Which as you can imagine drives me nuts!

I started off being the cute fun girlfriend---everything was fine with me(not really though).. the 2nd trip I was at his side from the time she got there until the time she left (like I needed to prove he was mine)...the 3rd time I finally went off on my boyfriend....I told him that I had issues with it. I told him exactly how I was feeling what I was questioning and what I needed to know from him.

I think he just never realized that it bothered me as much as it did. that led intoa great conversation about how he really no longer sees her the same way---that he is so happy with me--and that he wants me in his life.

I mean sure I still get a bit frustrated when i hear her name or see it on emails....but I know that he wants to be with me now....there is no reason to compete with her anymore. Sounds like you are in the same boat. Accepting that the person we care about has been with someone else intimately is never any easy thing to do----it is almost better off to think that he is starting fresh with you and the future that you build together is not based on what he and she had---bc apparently that was not working---so make your own future with him and do not waste any time thinking about the past!

Good luck---





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