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Relationship Health Message Board

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HairQueen, When I met my boyfriend in 1988 (we were married in 1990) we went to visit his parents for the first time a year later. His folks lived 5 hours away so we spent the weekend. I learned quite a bit that weekend about the relationship between my in-laws-to-be and my husbands ex-wife. My husband and his ex-wife had 2 children together and 13 years together before they divorced. In that 13 years all of his sisters and mother as well were great friends with his ex. They did everything together. When they broke up and then divorced it was very disappointing to the family but they all still remained friendly with her. She was still invited to all, I mean ALL the family functions and events. This even after her ex and I got married in 1990. She is still to this day regarded as the daughter in law and sister in law. Absolutely NO BIG DEAL for me!!! I know about the relationship between her and her ex-in laws and that has never been a threat for me. She's never said or done anything mean to me. I've always been on good terms with her especially since they share 2 children. My in-laws and I have always gotten along just fine and I'm sure part of the reason is because I don't feel threatened or insecure about their relationship. I don't know why I even should. She was a part of the family for many years even before they got married and divorce is hard on everyone even other family members because they've developed a good relationship over the years. Quite frankly, I think it's quite special to still be invited to family functions and considered part of the family after all of these years. My husband is fine with it because I'm fine with it. I'm sure he would have a different feeling about it if I made a huge stink about her still being in the family. He'd probably tell his family to back off a little bit about inviting her to the family functions because I'm there. I wouldn't hear of it. Ever. She's always been very pleasant to me and I to here cuz what good would it be to be otherwise. Anyway, that's my take on my side. I can't speak for your situation except to try and understand your mother in-law's point of view. She's probably not trying to hurt you intentionally by maintaining a friendship with her ex-daughter in law. What right does anyone have to tell her she can't continue to be friends with her. It doesn't make sense unless there's a whole other agenda out there that hasn't been mentioned.

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