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Relationship Health Message Board

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I have a friend who is going through something very similar right now. She has been in a 13 year relationship (since she was 16) with a guy she met in highschool. When they met she was obviously a much different person than she is now. She was more shy, insecure, thinner, etc. Typically, you're going to be different at 29 than you were at 16. They've been married for 3 years, bought a house last year, no kids. For many years he's had an issue with her weight. She also needs to loose about 20 pounds but she is an attractive woman overall. They have different interests, he's more active, competitive, outdoorsy, etc. She's more passive, laid back, homebody, etc. About 5 months ago he told her after an argument that he doesn't think he should be with her anymore because she doesn't make him happy. In so many words, he told her that he's not in love with her anymore, he's not attracted to her anymore and he's not even interested in talking to her anymore. At the same time, he didn't know if he wanted the relationship to end since they've been together for so long. This went on for about 2 months until finally she couldn't take it anymore and she moved out. Now things are still up in the air where he's trying to figure out if he wants to be with her or not. I personally think she should dump his sorry behind since no one has the right to make someone else feel that badly about themselves. However, she still loves him and wants to be with him.
Now, the point to my story is that these complaints of his about her weight and lifestyle started about 3 or 4 years ago. Every so often, they'd have arguments about it. This resulted in a very low self-esteem on her part and a lot of insecurities. This relationship has been very unhealthy for her and she stayed in it for way too long. I think if this is how your boyfriend feels, this issue will come up again and again if you two stay together. Eventually the relationship probably will end anyway. I think the two of you need to sit down and have another discussion about how you can either A) improve the relationship by changing both of your behaviours or B) how you are going to handle a break-up given all of your joint assets. You should not stay in a relationship where someone makes you feel badly about yourself.

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