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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. In the last year or so, things have seemed to go downhill. Our sex life has almost disappeared, and we fight about little things like who does more around the house (we've lived together for the last 2 years).

Lately, there have been increasing things that have bothered me about him. I feel like I can't talk to him because he never understands where I'm coming from. I feel (and have pretty much always felt) that he is not romantic and not very thoughtful. He has what I feel is a narrow set of interests and doesn't really care about things outside of it. So those are the bad things, but I also am in love with him. We do have a good time together and I feel I can really trust him, which is important to me. We have established a life together with our house and our cat ... we've been buying furniture together and things like that. I have my complaints about him, but I did not plan to break up anytime soon.

Then last night happened. We got in a stupid argument, which led to a long discussion about our relationship. He ended up telling me that he isn't happy and hasn't been for quite some time (which I had no idea about). He said that it bothers him how I don't have a lot of motivation. Now, let me point out that I do have a good full-time job and I am very responsible. It's not about that. He feels that it's weird that outside of my job, I don't really do a lot of 'projects' or outside activities. He is in a band, and he designs websites. He likes to do these things in his spare time. That's fine, but I don't have anything similar going on. I come home from work and I generally like to watch TV, check my email, read magazines, and I like to cook. But he said it bothers him how I don't set goals and achieve them. I talk about wanting to lose weight (and I only need to lose about 20 lbs), but then I don't follow through. I have been wanting to pay off my credit card debt, but haven't made much of a dent in it yet. Things like that are what bother him.

He also doesn't understand my problems with anxiety and depression,which I am trying to control. I am taking medication, and I've seen a therapist. But I am just a different type of person than him. He's not intimidated by anything, whereas I am a timid, passive person in general. My anxiety is often what makes me shy away from new activities and social connections. He feels that this is weird.

So, the bottom line is that he said he's not sure he can stay with me. And now I feel awful. I feel like ... I don't want to change to please him, but I don't want to lose my relationship. I actually want to improve on those things for myself, but I don't know if it will be enough for him. He mentioned that it might be "too late" because he has been unhappy with the relationship for a while. Part of me feel like maybe it would be best in the long run if we did break up, because I don't want to feel like I'm not good enough for someone or like he isn't completely into me. I want more of an unconditional love and support. But then again, people always say that relationships take work, and you can't just give up when things get tough.

Does anyone have any advice or sympathy?





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