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Relationship Health Message Board

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How do you build self esteem and raise standards? Through this board and other events that have taken place in the past few weeks, I've taken a long, hard look at my relationship tendencies.

I think I choose the guys that I know want me, knowing they aren't good enough for me. Does this make sense to anyone? I subconsiously have felt that all the men with more going for them would not be interested, or would be unfaithful. I know it is due to insecurities.

I am not ugly, I attract many men, but I settle for the ones that are beneath me in many departments, career, looks, even transportation. I think I play at the safe zone, but these guys generally are in bad situations and tend to bring me down as well until I am screaming to get out because they become clingy.

Looks and money don't matter much to me and I have taken much criticism for my choices in men from friends. This weekend my best friend and his girlfriend met someone that I was dating and laid it all out on the line. They told me that I deserve better and should be looking for something better. I just shrugged it off. The guy interested is not independantly sucessful and he is not the most handsome guy in the world, but his friend on the other hand was simply gorgeous. (to me anyhow), successful and our personalities match. The friend and I get along so well it was unbelievable. They were in visiting me from another state, so I spent a considerable amount of time with both of them. I'd already met the guy interested and knew he was so I would not have even thought to approach the friend, but my best friend did. He found out that if it weren't for his friend liking me so much, that this gorgeous guy would have enjoyed dating me.

Now of course I was completely embarassed by what my best friend had done and had to explain that it was a misunderstanding. I would never do that to someone I was dating. (approach thier friend) no matter how much I wanted to or how uninterested I was in the first guy dated. It's just unthoughtful. Besides they both live in another state, but it was just good to know someone like the friend would be interested.

So how do I set my standards higher to date men for the right reasons and not because I know it's safe? I would like to date someone LIKE the friend with the same qualities. how do I improve my self esteem? Any suggestions?

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