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Hi everyone

I'll try to keep this from being too long. Ok basically i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years (today infact). For the past 4 years my boyfriend has always talked to people on the internet, about sex and stuff. This has broke my heart so many times i cant remember how many. he lied about it all the time but i would always find out. I read a conversation once, and he was saying i didn't matter to him and could he go round to this other owmans house for sex etc...it devastated me and has ever since.

This however isn't the problem i have right now. We seemes to have worked all that out. For the last 3 weeks or so i am pretty confident he hasn't been doing anything like it as we sorted it out.

We lived together in a big city in England for a year, he finished the last year of his degree there, and i was on my first year in University. He then finished and got ajob back home, so i gave up that university and moved to one closer to home. We found a house togetherbut after 3/4 months the company he worked for broke down and he had to look for another job. So i moved to where my University is, in a shared house with 3 girls and one man, whos 40 odd and never ever here. So he moved back in with his parents and has just recently got a job 250 miles away from me.

I was a little upset at first, mainly because there has been so much hurt for me over the last couple of years, but i love him and i have stuck with our relationship and it just seems like everything is finally becoming better. So i got used to the fact we wouldnt see each other so much etc...and i was very very pleased he has got the job hes always wanted.

So hes been looking at one bedroomed flats for himself, which are quite expensive....but still...

Anyway today he phones one of the personnell ladies at his new cmpany to ask about which areas to move to etc, and the comany have suggested that him and the other new person starting work there should move in together. This other person happens to be a young female, who has a degree in the same subject as him..

So obviously i kinda went nuts, and amd here now...crying my eyes out because he is even considering it. I know in some ways i am being unfair and i should trust him, but how can i? i have been hurt so much before. I was just getting used to trusting him about the internet thing. I dont know what to think.

I dont think he would actually cheat on me. Its all the other things i am gettng so upset about. Like him watching tv with another girl, or having dinner together or just being with another girl all the time...she will be the only person he knows in the city, and likewise for her...it just hurts so bad to think i am so far away, sat on my own...waiting...

he thinks i am being totally unreasonable and cant understand why i cant just trust him. I just want to have a home with him so badly, it really hurts to think hes gonna set up home with someone else.

I dont know wether i should go with my feelings and be adamant that i dont want him to do this, or just let it happen and be miserable. He said we may aswell end the relationship if i cant handle it. I think hes being totally selfish and isn't considering my feelings at all.

I would just like some input...do you think i am over reacting, should i be more understanding? or should he not do it?

I am so confused by my feelings, its hard to think straight. I am shaking and crying all the time. It probably sounds to other people that we shouldnt be together. I often wonder why i didn't dump him when i read all the stuff on the net...but i love him so much. i believe everything he says, and all the promises hes made over the last few years. I just cant help but think i'll be setting myself up just to be hurt all over again.

please help.
I am also skeptical of the thought of your boyfriend's company suggesting that he move in with the other new person, a female. It does sound kind of fishy. Do you think he could have made that up, putting the blame on someone else at his company making the suggestion rather than saying it was his, or the girl's idea? He may not admit it if he knows it will upset you. Either way, I personally would be just as upset in your situation. With an ex-boyfriend I had years ago who I had dated for about three years, at one point he told me he was going to look for a roommate. I lived with my parents and wasn't ready to move in with him. Unless we had plans to be married, which we didn't, we were too young in my opinion, there was no way I'd move in with him. He wanted to find a FEMALE roommate! I thought it was completely ridiculous because I would NEVER look for a male roommate while dating a guy. It's really inconsiderate. My ex never did find a female roommate, but had been chatting with other girls online anyway. Eventually I broke up with him. It wasn't worth the stress and he didn't truly love me, obviously. It turned out that he had cheated on me and a mutual friend of ours had told me about it.

I'm not saying your boyfriend will cheat, but if he's living with another girl, it's just so easy for him to do. Does this girl know he has a girlfriend? It's really up to you how you handle it, but what I would do is have a serious talk with him. Let him know how much it upsets you. If he cares for you he'll take your feelings into consideration. Ask how he would feel if YOU had a MALE roommate!?! If you decide you're okay with him living with another girl and you feel that you can trust him (again, I'd be leary of this, but that's me) then maybe you can meet this girl, make sure she knows who you are, his girlfriend!! If he's not okay with you meeting the girl, then that's a big red flag that something's not right. Maybe that can be the test. See how he would react to you meeting the girl. I don't think it should be a game though. There are ways for him to find other roommates who are male. Don't get yourself sick over this. Try to be calm, think rationally about it, talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how you REALLY feel. Distance should make the heart grow fonder and if it doesn't, then maybe there's someone better for you out there. Maybe your boyfriend will realize how upset you are and he'll find a male roommate instead. Is there anyway for you to visit him and if so, how often?





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