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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi guys, I'm hoping you can give me some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 13 months, and in a long distance relationship for over 9 months. I am currently going to school in the city, and he is living with his mother one hour away. I love him very much, but the distance thing is starting to get to me as I would like to see him more often than a few times a month. He often asks me if I would move in with him and his mother, but I cannot as I am going to university in my city. He however, is working at a dead-end job that pays a low wage and could easily move closer to me or even move in with me if it wasn't for his mother. Due to financial reasons, he is living with his mother to help support her, and because both of them are in low-paying jobs, it seems as though she will never get back on her feet. She has 3 other sons, 2 of whom work, but she will not except money from any of them but my boyfriend. I feel as though he is in an unfair situation, as he wants to go to college soon, but is unable to save any money because he is paying most of the bills. She often buys new clothes but rarely lets him spend money. Another reason why my boyfriend is scared to move out is because his mother will be alone when he moves out and he is scared she will become depressed - which I could see happening. She cried when her 21 year old son finally moved out, and still cries everytime she leaves after seeing them. She is very dependant on other people. I feel bad for her situation, but I do not feel it is fair of her to make her son feel guilty for wanting to move out. Anyway, I go to see him almost every weekend, but I am getting sick of the 2-3 hour bus ride it takes me just to get there, and I am equally sick of his mother. She is always around us, and even goes out on our dates with us! When we talk on the phone, she always kicks him off so she can call someone. She also brags about how good she is to my boyfriend, and implies that I will never be as good as her. I sometimes tease my boyfriend that he will be living with mommy until he is 40, but that only makes him very mad. I know he wants to move out, and I know he'd love to live with me, but I also know he's scared to leave his mom for financial and psychological reasons. I feel as though this situation will never get better, and that I'm wasting my time waiting for him to break away from his mom.

Sorry for this being so long. I just needed to rant, as I am totally fed up and the only thing keeping me in this relationship is my love for him and hope that things will change. Do you think they will?





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