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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hey guys—I’m new to the boards and need some advice to lift my spirits.
Oh yeah, sorry for the long post in advance- thanks for listening :)

Lets see here…well I had been with my boyfriend for close to 3 years – senior year of high school and then 2 years of college but last night he ended it over reasons I just don’t understand.

His family is very much into music so he has always been around and loved anything to do with it. He has this dream of moving to California to make it big. I have never said he couldn’t do it, but I have said that he should have something to fall back on (a good degree) but usually this backfired and he’d take it as if I was saying he wasn’t good enough to do it.

So anyways, the other night we were talking about all of this stuff, we are pretty open with each other and have no problem talking about the future, and he brought up his career. He knows that I think that family is very important and that at some point I would want to settle down and not be forced to move around and be separated all the time.

So with that in mind he starts to say how maybe it isn’t going to work out between us and that things are different now. I know that right now he is under a lot of stress with finals, money issues, and dealing with this career goal. So we talked about this for a while and I was basically trying to get the point across that we should take this one step at a time and to cross the bridges when we came to them. He just acted like that wasn’t possible (he tends to feel like he has to have things decided right then…so frustrating) and shot down all my ideas.

Then he goes on to tell me that he is just afraid that I will be the reason that he might not give 100% in pursuing his goal- like his could see himself being happy getting married after college and leading a basically normal life but he would always wonder if he could have made it big. He is just so determined that it seems like he is pushing away the people that he’s closest to. It is like he has this message running through his head that he has always wanted this and he doesn’t want anything to make him get off track.

Of course that isn’t the end of it he has to throw in a twist. He tells me about this girl that he met at work. She likes that fact that he plays drums and she thinks that it's neat that he is trying to become a professional. This girl is a singer so she can relate better than I can to music and that she makes him want to play better because she can suggest things to improve how he is playing. So I’m sitting there broken hearted listening to how great this girl is and how she is starting to make him want to play drums more and to enhance this talent of his.

After some more of me saying that we just need to work on things he drops the bomb, he thinks he is falling for her! What do you say to that? How am I supposed to understand? I’m just so hurt right now. How could he just leave our strong relationship to go for a girl that “understands” music, he's only know her for 4 days! We had so much more that that. While I’m not a musician myself I do appreciate music and support him and doesn’t love mean anything? He says that he just needs to figure things out for himself because we had never known anyone else like this and we were still young and what if we weren’t perfect for each other. I don’t want to mess things up at all and I haven’t said anything negative about this girl. What should I do? I still love him very much and am totally confused. Please Help!

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