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I can say that I dont know if he would have taken her up on an offer when we were just dating and he got some of his stuff back from her. But the thing is he turned her down when she said she wanted to work on things. He also showed me a letter she wrote to him right before he returned back from the family problem. There was a rant in that letter that he had moved on too quickly and that I would only hurt him. She said he should have taken her offer to work things out because she would have made it worth his time. I can only guess what that could have meant. Dh said it was sad because she was trying so desperately and that talking trash about me(whom she had never met) was just too much.
As for the mailing his stuff she kept putting it off for some reason. He wrote her repeatedly to send him his stuff. Even asked if she would just drop it off with his mom or grandparents but she never did. So he figured since he was going to be in town for a week he woudl get his stuff himself.
I wasnt married to Dh when he got his things back from her. Matter of fact I should have been extremely worried because we had only been dating about a month and half by then. But for some reason things felt right with him and I trusted him even then.
He is still friends with his ex as I am still friends with one of mine. I dont see it as disrespect in the least because they are friends. Just like Dh doestn see it as disrespect for me to talk with my ex.

Also the original poster never said that she was prohibited from going. Granted he should have asked or she should have asked to go along but she didnt(or at least didnt say she did) but that doesnt mean she wasnt allowed to go.

I guess alot of my laid back attitude has to do with my grandparents. I know strange but they have a wonderful relationship and are very laid back with each other. And that is funny because my g-pa is a huge flirt and has been for as long as I can remember. My g-ma has never had a problem with it because she knows he will honor his vows to her as she does to him. She also gave me a great bit of advice when I first started dating and I live by it even to this day. She told me that you cant put a leash on a partner(dating or married) because if you do just like a dog will fight a leash a partner will fight it as well. Trying to tell someone who they can or can not see is basically the same thing. I thought it was strange advice at the time but with my second relationship the advice made sense. That bf tried to tell me who I hang out with,whose houses I couldnt go to and so on. Needless to say that was my shortest I think it lasted all of four I felt like I was on a leash when he started saying that stuff and I couldnt handle it. I told him off and that was that. The funny thing is he did find a girl who fell for him and follows his every insane little rule. I hate to say this but she is a sad woman with no life.
Sometimes we have to put blind faith in a partner to see how strong the relationship is. I have done that with Dh and have been rewarded with a wonderful marriage. I still have to put blind faith in him because he is away from home so much...matter of fact he has currently been gone since Oct 25th and returns home tomorrow night. To say my dh has had chances is an understatement at best. This year alone he has been gone about 150 days. Sometimes things come up to test the relationship and this could just very easily be one of those times for the poster. Just like the time I have to be apart of my Dh I just see it as a testing time to know how strong our relationship is.
Am I lucky that I have a wonderful Dh,you bet I am...but it doesnt come easy because of what I have to deal with him being away from home so much.

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