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Hey all,

I have a long and complicated problem that I want to discuss here, and hopefully get some solutions.

Last summer, I dated this girl for six months. I'll call her "Naomi". I was going through some issues at the time, as was she, and we moved very quickly. Within four months, we were living together and engaged. She was already feeling too rushed, but I was blind to it at the time and loved the idea of getting married. Then, she got pregnant. That, plus the fact that I was being somewhat controlling with her and the fact that we seemed to argue constantly, turned out to be the last straw for her. Naomi packed her bags and left me, placing our son up for adoption when he was born. It's an open adoption, though, so we still get to see him sometimes.

It took me a year just to accept the fact that Naomi and I were through. It was made harder by the fact that she had met a guy soon after we broke up and started dating him.

I blamed her for taking my son away from me, and was angry at her for a while, and then at myself, and then I finally overcame my anger about a month ago and have grown to accept things. We tried talking once in a while since we broke up, but nothing much ever came of it. She had a hard time trusting me, and I found it awkward to be around her when I cared for her still and she talked about her boyfriend a lot. We mostly stuck to short conversations about our son.

I dated a bit after her, but not much ever came of it. No real reason, except the girls I dated never seemed right now me.

This week, I started school and, we were both surprised to find out, we are in one of the same classes together. We had the class tonight, and talked a bit before the class. I hadn't seen her in several months and was immediately struck by how beautiful she looked. I told her so and mentioned how we seem to go so well together. I told her that I wasn't trying to get back with her, but was just making an observation. I felt only half-sure about that, though, and she seemed to be able to speak openly to me about everything. I did tell her that if she were interested in getting back together, I would want to, but I'm not counting on it as something that will happen.

I didn't expect much, but after the class, she invited me for coffee. We sat and talked for four hours about nothing in particular and everything. In the four hours, I sat and watched her while she spoke, and felt all the old feelings that I had spent over a year getting over coming back. The way she smiled, the way she looked. Both of us have changed and overcome many of the issues we had in the past, but she still made me feel all warm and wonderful inside.

After coffee, we took the bus together and continued talking. When we got to her stop, I chose to get out and walk her home. That's all that I expected to do, but she ended up inviting me into her apartment. I didn't expect anything to happen, and nothing did. We sat and she showed me some stuff of her computer, and then we hugged, said we'd see each other next week and I walked home.

On the way home, I realized that I love Naomi now just as much as I ever have, and spending the evening with her made me feel everything for her all over again. She's still with the same boyfriend, and as she spoke about him, I kept thinking to myself that I would treat her better than he ever could. I would love her and treat her with the respect that I should have done the first time. I would give anything to get back together with her, and it would be a dream come true if she would dump her boyfriend and come back to me. I'd take things slow this time. She talked a bit about how she feels weak-willed and is afraid that she'll cheat on her boyfriend with me or some other guy she might be around. I found myself half-wishing that she would lose her will and jump me. I know it wasn't a fair thought, though, and I surpressed it as best I could.

As it stands, we are going to spend three hours a week together, at least, for the next three months, and I know that if I keep pining for her the way I do right now, it is going to be three months of hell, since she is likely not going to leave her boyfriend and if I push her then I will likely drive her away from even wanting to be my friend. I should just accept that she and I will not get back together, focus on being her friend and on other things in my life, and, if she should decide to get back with me, then I would gladly accept it. Yet, I worry that if I do this then I'll be bottling up my feelings and it will be equally unhealthy for me. I even thought about transferring to a new course, but I really do want to be her friend and should face her instead of running away.

It took a whole lot of restraint tonight not to risk leaning in and kissing her as I longed to do. I wasn't even able to keep myself from squeezing her hand when she was talking about how guilty she felt about nearly cheating on her boyfriend earlier this month.

What should I do?





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