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I was married to my first husband for 4 years, 2 of which were man and wife and the other 2 years were seperated. When we seperated I knew we weren't going to get back together nor did I want to. We had an agreement, we would stay married for the time being so I could have medical and he would get the tax deductions for our daughter and myself. 6 months after our separation, I met my second husband. We dated for 11 months before moving in together. 7 months of living together with my b/f (now husband) my first husband and I divorced, b/c I was pregnant (in Illinois if you are married, the husband is considered the father of the child) and I didn't want either of them to have to go to court and fight saying this is my child, this isn't my child. We knew who the father was and who wasn't. Court costs and legal fees would have killed us. We did the divorce ourselves no lawyers involved at all, the divorce took a total of 2 weeks from start to finish.

Less then 2 weeks after my divorce was final, my boyfriend at the time started hounding me to marry him. He never did this before the divorce, I didn't want to get married so soon. I had actually separated from my at the time boyfriend just a couple months prior to the divorce, not long after I got pregnant, we still lived together b/c my name was on the lease too. I really didn't know if the relationship would even work out, so marriage was the last thing on my mind. But he hounded me for 3 months straight, we fought everyday about it, we want to get married and I didn't, I figured we could still date and see what happens later. After 3 months of being hounded to death, I gave in, I figured if he is treating me this way just b/c I don't want to marry him, how is he going to treat our child, because his mother won't marry him. So I agree to marry him, on the condition, I get medical, he gets a tax deduction nothing more, unless I want to get married for the right reasons. He agreed to my condition. He is a good man, takes very good care of me and my children, 10 years later we are still married.

I feel marriage is a commitment, but with my first huband, when we separated I knew that we would not be getting back together. My first husband decided he wanted to get back together with me about 9 months after we separated. I thought about it but I knew that we were not meant to be together hence is why we separated to begin with, the only reason he wanted to get back together with me was b/c he realized I was serious about the my bf (now husband), and he was jealous.

I never cheated in either of my marriages, when my ex husband and I separated, I was honest with him and the guys I dated. My ex husband and the my b/f (now husband) met each other, after about the 4th times we went out. My ex husband wanted to met anyone I was dating.
I followed my ex husbands rules of dating during separation.

The rules were:
1) If you date someone more then 3 times, he (my ex husband) was to met him,
2) If I have sex with anyone (I was to tell him after the fact)
3) he wanted all the details of any sexual relations (ie.. who started it, where, who the person was, how is was, ect..)
4) I was allowed 6 people per year only
5) If the he thought a person wasn't good enough for me or our daughter then I was to leave them
6) These rules were to be followed until we divorced.

I dated 3 men before my second husband, the 1st, was nice but just a sexual thing, the 2nd refused to met my ex, so I was told to get rid of him, the 3rd was ok, but I couldn't see a long term relationship with him so I left, and of course the 4th is my husband now.

I have dated 2 married men, both were separated. One evenually went back to his wife after 3 years of separation, for about 3 months and then reseparated and divorced, (we dated for a about a month during his 2nd year of separation), the other never got back together with his wife but they did divorce, (we dated for a couple months before he moved to California, he wanted me to go with him, but I didn't want to move to California).

I never dated a guy that was married and not separated. Before I would not allow the relationship to get to indepth I always made sure I wasn't getting in the middle of them. I wouldn't want to be a mistress to any man. If a man is married, and can't stay commited to his wife during a marriage, then I wouldn't want to get involved, b/c inevidably I would think, he would cheat me on, if the man was separated then, that's another story.

Sorry for such a long post.
[QUOTE=ladyblu]I was married to my first husband for 4 years, 2 of which were man and wife and the other 2 years were seperated. When we seperated I knew we weren't going to get back together nor did I want to. We had an agreement, we would stay married for the time being so I could have medical and he would get the tax deductions for our daughter and myself. 6 months after our separation, I met my second husband. We dated for 11 months before moving in together. 7 months of living together with my b/f (now husband) my first husband and I divorced, b/c I was pregnant (in Illinois if you are married, the husband is considered the father of the child) and I didn't want either of them to have to go to court and fight saying this is my child, this isn't my child. We knew who the father was and who wasn't. Court costs and legal fees would have killed us. We did the divorce ourselves no lawyers involved at all, the divorce took a total of 2 weeks from start to finish.

Less then 2 weeks after my divorce was final, my boyfriend at the time started hounding me to marry him. He never did this before the divorce, I didn't want to get married so soon. I had actually separated from my at the time boyfriend just a couple months prior to the divorce, not long after I got pregnant, we still lived together b/c my name was on the lease too. I really didn't know if the relationship would even work out, so marriage was the last thing on my mind. But he hounded me for 3 months straight, we fought everyday about it, we want to get married and I didn't, I figured we could still date and see what happens later. After 3 months of being hounded to death, I gave in, I figured if he is treating me this way just b/c I don't want to marry him, how is he going to treat our child, because his mother won't marry him. So I agree to marry him, on the condition, I get medical, he gets a tax deduction nothing more, unless I want to get married for the right reasons. He agreed to my condition. He is a good man, takes very good care of me and my children, 10 years later we are still married.

I feel marriage is a commitment, but with my first huband, when we separated I knew that we would not be getting back together. My first husband decided he wanted to get back together with me about 9 months after we separated. I thought about it but I knew that we were not meant to be together hence is why we separated to begin with, the only reason he wanted to get back together with me was b/c he realized I was serious about the my bf (now husband), and he was jealous.

I never cheated in either of my marriages, when my ex husband and I separated, I was honest with him and the guys I dated. My ex husband and the my b/f (now husband) met each other, after about the 4th times we went out. My ex husband wanted to met anyone I was dating.
I followed my ex husbands rules of dating during separation.

The rules were:
1) If you date someone more then 3 times, he (my ex husband) was to met him,
2) If I have sex with anyone (I was to tell him after the fact)
3) he wanted all the details of any sexual relations (ie.. who started it, where, who the person was, how is was, ect..)
4) I was allowed 6 people per year only
5) If the he thought a person wasn't good enough for me or our daughter then I was to leave them
6) These rules were to be followed until we divorced.

I dated 3 men before my second husband, the 1st, was nice but just a sexual thing, the 2nd refused to met my ex, so I was told to get rid of him, the 3rd was ok, but I couldn't see a long term relationship with him so I left, and of course the 4th is my husband now.

I have dated 2 married men, both were separated. One evenually went back to his wife after 3 years of separation, for about 3 months and then reseparated and divorced, (we dated for a about a month during his 2nd year of separation), the other never got back together with his wife but they did divorce, (we dated for a couple months before he moved to California, he wanted me to go with him, but I didn't want to move to California).

I never dated a guy that was married and not separated. Before I would not allow the relationship to get to indepth I always made sure I wasn't getting in the middle of them. I wouldn't want to be a mistress to any man. If a man is married, and can't stay commited to his wife during a marriage, then I wouldn't want to get involved, b/c inevidably I would think, he would cheat me on, if the man was separated then, that's another story.

Sorry for such a long post.[/QUOTE]
I cant believe you followed his "rules". He wanted to know your intimate details? Sounds sick and controlling. Did he have to follow the same rules? How old were you at the time? If my soon to be X gave me those rules I would have laughed in his face. I think the only sane one here was the man that refused to meet your soon to be x. I am hopeing that you respond with I was 16 years old and stupid at the time.
Tomsgirl, No I wasn't 16, I was 20 when we separated. Yes, I followed the rules, he was supposed to too, but honestly I didn't want to know what or who he was doing or the gory details, and I told him I didn't want to know about any of the details or hear about the person he was with. Once I told him about the details of the first sexual encounter with the person I was with, I didn't have to do it again. I followed the rule b/c 1) I was young and stupid and didn't know any better and 2) I felt I had to b/c we were still living under the same roof at the time. If that situation was to happen again or if I had to do it again, no I wouldn't have followed the rules.

As for the guy who didn't want to meet my soon to be ex, after I told him I couldn't see him anymore, he was begging me to met my soon to be ex, but by that point my soon to be ex no longer wanted to met him.

Yes, back then I will gladly admit I was screwed up, nothing meds and a shrink couldn't fix. I got the help I desperately needed when I was 21.





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