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Relationship Health Message Board


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If demanding is insisting that your significant other keep their promises, than yes, I guess I am. The problem I have is when he says he is going to call, and then doesn’t. Or when he says he is going to email me, and then doesn’t. Or when he says he will do any number of things, and then doesn’t. Every single time we have made a plan, or found a solution, he has not followed through with it. He doesn’t feel comfortable talking about himself or work on the phone, fine. HE made the suggestion of emailing me on a regular basis to keep me informed so as to avoid the whole phone thing. He even installed a new program on my computer that allows us the forward each others day planner entries and notes back and forth so that we stay up to date. I haven’t received on yet, and that was a month ago.

As for setting the bar, why not? I KNOW I am capable of working long and difficult hours and can still make time for him, I have done it the past, and since I went back to work (albeit sooner then expected) I will do it again. I have been reluctant to say anything to him while I wasn’t working because I didn’t want that to become an issue (and to my knowledge it hasn’t), however, with me returning to work I think it will be a great opportunity to prove to him that it can be done. I do not expect anything from him that I am not capable or willing to do myself.

Oh, and I think my long distances charges added up to a grand total of about 7 dollars last month, so yeah, as you can imagine, I just can’t stop harassing him…lol

We are partners. We are best friends. We work together, live together, and play together, and when I am here, away from him, I don’t know what is going on. The convention he went to this weekend? I only know it was a medical seminar. For all I know he could have just gone for the drive, but once again I haven’t pushed the subject because I don’t want to seem demanding, but at the same time I don’t know a darn thing about it. I also found out he entered one of the cars in a show for this month. I am so proud of his work and I enjoying sharing in his elation that I was hurt to find out that this is something he has been planning and working hard on with out telling me. He admittedly takes on too much and then feels obligated to please everyone, and in his attempt to wrap up several projects with out stepping on any toes, our relationship suffers. I am supportive in any way I can be, but when we live in different countries it is hard to do. Other then just being there for him there really is nothing I can do, well, after a while of “just being there” I start to feel like a door mat. I have needs too, and I wouldn’t mind a little support either, and when I speak up and say “hey what about me”, in his eyes I am just one more person he has let down, and I think THAT is why he gets upset. It’s a subject I don’t enjoy dealing with, as I am sure he doesn’t either, but how much am I supposed to take before I feel as though I am being taken advantage of? So now that I am speaking up I am being demanding? I guess so, but I don't think that what I expect is unreasonable.

I am not the type who calls every ten minutes to check up, or is jealous every time is out of the house with out me, but when we are in separate countries it is nice to still feel included and important. I just wish he would include me in his life when I Canada the same as does when I am with him. Even if he called and said “I’m swamped and super busy, but I love you” I would be happy.

I guess to actually feel like I am priority in the mind of the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with is demanding. I don't demand anything, really. I tell him how I feel, I ask him what his opinion is, and then we try to find a solution that both us finds attainable. So far, he has NEVER kept up his end of the bargin and I am getting pretty pissed about it. If I did that to him, he would rightfully be pissed too.

Erin :D





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