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Relationship Health Message Board


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Scooby,
I'm glad you posted your problem! Airing your anger and unhappiness is an important first step toward improving your self worth. You deserve love, gifts, and time, from your husband. Please take the advice from the other poster and either try to find a CODA meeting ( they should be listed in the newspaper) or go to the library and read up on codependency.
Your story of how your husband treats you pulls at my heart. You see, I went through this same senario with my first husband for 7 years. I married young, thought I was being the loving, caring wife by putting up with his "me first" additude. I would tell myself that he was raised in a family that showed no love, kindness, or charity, so how would he know any better? Your hospital story reminds me of the time I was released from the hospital after having my appendix removed. My ex FORGOT to pick me up, and I ended up having a friend take me home, only to find him playing video games with his friends! :confused:
To make a long story short, I decided to take a self esteem class, which lead me to going to CODA meetings, which lead me to reading many books about codependency, which lead me to going to a counselor. I started feeling great about myself. It completely changed how I dealt with my marriage and started taking care of ME. If he didn't buy me a birthday gift, I'd just buy myself one! I became independent and self confident, and I loved it! My ex, on the other hand; HATED IT! I knew things were over between us when he said one day, "You know, ever since you started this self improvement crap you've been a terrible wife." I knew then and there that it was never going to work between us. I felt the best I had ever, and he thought I was getting worse! My life is by no way perfect now, but if I hadn't gotten the help I needed, I am postive I would be still getting into relationships where I am the rescuer that gets stomped on. My current BF is 13 years younger than me and very good looking. He showers me with gifts, tells me he loves me and how beautiful I am all the time. My old self would probably think that I don't deserve a man like him, that gives me gifts and attention, but my new self knows I do!
If you choose to better yourself, your husband may respond in a more positive way, who knows. You can not change him, but you can change how you treat yourself. Good luck! :wave:





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