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OK,

So I shouldn't be concerned with this anyway because I am seriously looking for a way out of this relationship, but I think my boyfriend call another girl at night when I'm in bed.

My boyfrend and I have been together 6 weeks now. No reason for me to get jealous or anything, but he's controling, emotionally and sexually abusive. It's more emotional than anything though.

Anyhow, he's always thinking I 'm cheating on him and that's why he turns his anger on me supposedly. But I always noticed that the ones that accuse usually have something to hide.

So I heard him talking one night. He is jobless so he stays up until 4am in the other room so he won't wake me. I have his cell phone today and in his outgoing call list there is a California call at 4am from a few nights ago. We live in Michigan.

Just seems like the pot calling the kettle black I guess because he SEARCHED my car last night while I was asleep and found a note from one of my girlfriend's neighbors. This guy used to like me a few months back, but nothing ever happened. He wrote a note and left it on my windshield. I forgot all about it. It was under my seat. He accused ME, as if he allows me any time to cheat.

Anyhow just an ironic situation because I actually hope he'd take his anger out on someone else instead of me. I have enough stress with my living situation anyway. (I've been staying with him because I felt uncomfortable living at my old place, but I just found a new one).

I am not going to confront him on it. I think I'll just lie back and see if I can find more evidence. Eventually he'll slip and that will be my out.
Ok, let me explain a little more. He's controlling and plays mind games and argues until he gets his way, He breaks me down to nothing even when I try to leave him. I don't care for him anymore, I'm just scared of him.

Yesterday he gave me his cell phone because I was going to the new apartment to get the heat turned on. I accidentally answered his phone thinking it was him because I forgot to call him at the usual time around lunch. It was his cousin and I had a brief conversation with him telling him to call the house because I had my boyfriend's cell phone that day. Now my boyfriend thinks I want his cousin or his cousin wants me.

Then I had to go get my taxes done. I went through a home business that has been around since 95 that I heard from my friend at work. I tried to get into H & R block but they were booked. I asked if he wanted to go, but I didn't mention where I was going because I knew he would be upset. (I put off doing my taxes until now because he hasn't given me any space to do them). He called his cell phone and was upset about where I was doing my taxes. He asked if this older couple had and sons, how old they were and made a big deal of it when I got back there.

He makes me feel like one big ball of nerves. He's always angry, I have to walk on eggshells. He searches for something to get mad at me for and call me a cheater.

I tried to tell him last night that I wasn't happy and that I couldn't constantly reassure him. I told him that I thought that we weren't going to work. I was packing up my stuff and he made me feel as if I had to stay. I can't eat, sleep, or read a book without offending him. It's insane.

I know that the way to leave him is to walk out the door, but as I pack my stuff things get awful and he always manages to make me stay. I told him I couldn't handle it anymore. He's asked me to tell him for sure that I want to leave. I have looked him in the face and told him that I wanted to leave. I think it's just making him even more scared. It's an awful situation. It's unexplainable unless your actually there.

I don't want to play games with him. I just want to have a reason on him to get out. Everything he accuses me of, I don't do. I'm hoping he'll be more accepting of the break up if he's the reason that we can't be together instead of the fault lying on me all the time.

I know I don't make any sense. When I talk to my mother about it I know how I sound. Completely ridiculous. I never thought I'd be in this situation and I never understood how other women could stay in abusive relationships until I experienced this. I know I will get out. I am just trying to plan it strategically so that I can actually make it safely out of the door.





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