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I apologize ahead of time as this is a long complicated story....
I am 23, and married (seperated for most of the past 2 yrs.), my husband and I have two children, 4 and 7yrs., I have been their sole caregiver for all their lives. Basically, I have screwed up alot in the past year, making stupid mistakes for this guy, my ex. I met him about a year after my husband left, and fell for him almost instantly, I don't know why, he is not good looking, and has made tons of mistakes in his 29 yrs., he is pretty much a self centered loser, the only thing I saw in him, I guess, was he was super nice to me, showed me tons of attention. I am a person with borderline personality disorder, basically I have insanely low self esteem, am terrified of anyone leaving me, I act insane when I feel rejected, I am bi polar and very small things can make me or break me, also have had depression since I was very young. Needless to say I am very high maintenince. I would like to point out though, that I have been in therapy for all this (still am) and on medication. Anyway, since I was way behind in bills since my husband had left, we decided my 2 children and myself, should move in withthis man after knowing him for about 3 months. Around this time, an ex-boyfriend, who worked with my current boyfriend(the one I had just moved in with), called me and told me he knows this guy cheated on me, with someone they work with. It was an issue for about a week, then I kinda let it go, didn't believe my ex, because he was my EX, ya know? I was a complete ***** to him cuz I thought he was just trying to break me and this new guy up. When me and my boyfriend would fight, I would bring up the cheating thing just to piss him off, I never really thoguht he did it. Months past, things got worse between him and I, and then my husband started pursuing me really hard again, wanting to work things out, but I blew him off. Things started getting really bad then, my boyfirend started being mean to my kids, so eventaully we left, unfortunately had no where to go, so, my husband now has my children with him at his parents house, i cannot go there or call even because his family absolutely HATES me. I am homeless, staying at friends houses on the couch and floors. I get to see my kids about 2 times a week, it kills me, I miss them horribly. A week after I left my boyfriend, I found out by default that he accually HAD cheated on me, with some ugly girl he works with...I was over there packing stuff and [U]her husband[/U] called and told me!!!!
Anyway I lost my house to move in with this man, he cheated on me, he was mean to my kids, I lost my kids now because of him, lost almost everything I own, lost my car, because I paid to fix his instead of mine. The only thing left for me is I have managed to stay in the business school I am attending, and my husband, still wants to work things out, after what I have just put him through over this ******* ex boyfriend......the insane thing is, I cannot seem to let this guy go, he is a loser like I said, so why can't I stop thinking about him????? He still hangs out with this girl he cheated on me with, she is an ugly loser too, and I get SOOO mad, and SOOO jealous, when meanwhile, my husband, who is smart, great looking, and an awesome father, is willing to try with me again (even tho his entire family would disown him if they found out!!), I feel so guilty for ever even thinking about my ex, why can't I just let him go??? He hurt me so bad, and I still think abouthim day and night.....I want to commit to my husband mentally, how can I do this??? thanks for your patience in reading this, I am open to any advice, constructive criticism, anything I can get, thanks...





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