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Relationship Health Message Board


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I am 22 yrs old and I have been dating my boyfriend, who is also 22, for the past 2 1/2 years. We met in junior high and we remained friends in our circle of friends (there is bout 9 of us who have stayed friends). We started dating after prom (I went to a differnt high school then all my circle of friends). He had just broken up with his girlfriend 2 weeks prior, she was three years yonger then him at the time. I had heard rumors about the way he had treated her like calling her names and being jealous. Although I had heard these things I thought he had had a right to be all o these things because I knew of his ex and that she had been a little "loose". I never thought he would be like this with me.

We started dating in July and in August I had planned a trip with 3 of my girl friends to Cancun. By the time I had left we had been seeing eachother for a month. When I left he said just call me when u get there and when u leave so I know u are ok. I did just that and when I came back he was upset that I didn't call him more than twice in 7 seven days, which contradicted what he had said originally. Then when our pictures were developed he saw all these guys that we had hung out with in Cancun. He accused me of screwing around with guys and lying to him about it. I can honestly say I never did anything. I had many opportunities to but I am not that type of girl. This went on for another few weeks with him not believing me. We talked off and on and went out off anf on for a couple more months until January when it became exclusive and we were a couple. That is when I started noticing things he didn't do and didn't want me doing. I appreciated his opinion but I didn't think it was a "rule" I had to obey. Things did get worse from then on.

One of exes, who was a family friend as well, had moved out to the States and called me one day when he was back in town visiting some family. I was with my bf at the time he called and I didn't answer because I didn't recognise the number. I then got a voicemail and my bf wanted me to check it right there in front of him. I was dropping him off at home and I said I would check it when I got home. He said fine and went inside. As soon he went inside he called me. I answered and he said he wanted to leave me a message. I thought it was cute and hung up. When he called back I didn't answer and let it go to vm. But I never got a message alert saying I had a new message. I checked my messages and heard the message from my ex saying he was back in town and to cal lhim so we could catch up. Little did I know my current bf had found out my passcode and heard the message and freaked out on me that I was cheating with my ex, and apparently every other guy I knew, even though in the message my ex said that he hadn't talked to me in a long time and wanted to say hi and he was leaving the next day. We had a huge fight not only because he didn't trust me and thought I was cheating and I was trying to defend myself but because he had invaded my privacy by hacking into my vm. And I ended it. We got back together soon after.

Some of the things he didn't want me to do were: Watch tv that had any sexual content of any kind (soap operas, reality shows, tv series' that had a suggestive nature), have a personal email address besides a work one (he cracked into my account and saw a FWD that my girlfriend had sent me with the firefighters calendar in it and freaked out saying I was disgusting if I like looking at that kind of stuff), I couldn't go to movies that he didn't approve of (anything that sexually suggestive i.e American Pie), I couldn't go to clubs because he thought I would pick up guys, he had to know where I was all the time. He would call me 5-6 times a day "just to say hi and see what I was doing". I couldn't have any guy friends (not even our mutual friends) because if I did then I was interested in them.

We broke up February of last year for alot of reasons. What triggered the breakup was my girlfriends birthday. She wanted to go to a club. He had already said he didn't want me going to clubs because I would flirt with guys and dance with them, etc. I would say ok just not to argue with him. We had a huge fight and things surfaced in me and I told him off and ended it. For the next few days he would call me and want me back and we would get in the same fight and he would blame my friends (which are his friends too) for pressuring me and influencing me. This was not true all they wanted me to do was to go out for my friends birthday. We broke up then for 5 months. It was hard because we have both spent alot of time with eachothers families and everyone is close.

I got sick in May of last year and was hospitalized. I had been hospitalized before for my Crohn's and he was there everyday helping take care of me. So when I was in the hospital again, at a weak moment I called him and told him where I was. We talked for 4 hrs that night and not once brought up any issues between us. He visited me the next day and brought me flowers and gifts. Needless to say we got back together. I thought things would be different and they were for a while. Then things were like unspoken "rules" between us. I knew the things he didn't want me to do and I followed them. This made things worse because I would lie to him about things I was doing just to be myself.

Things had been great until this February when the same friend's birthday came up again. We were supposed to go to this restaurant/bar. He seemedok with it unitl I got home that night and called him. He wanted to know Who was there, who I talked to, if I danced or not and who with, what I drank, what I wore, what I did, everything.The only thing he didn't ask was if I went to the bathroom.

Nothing came out of it because I didn't do anything. He had nothing to accuse me of. The only thing he did say was " I hope you are telling me everything because if you aren't I have ways of finding out" in a threatening sort of way. I said go ahead because I didn't do anything.

The next day all my girlfriends and I decide to go to the states for shopping and dinner. I called my bf periodically just to let him know we were ok. That night he wasn't acting normal. He was distant and gave me attitude. He said nothing was wrong and to forget it. I knew something was wrong and I wanted to talk about it. He finally said that he was upset that I didn't call him at a certain time I said I would, (which was 20 minutes after a call I had received from him). I knew he was mad about the night before too but I didn't bring it up. He said he didn't call me again because "he had given up on me and wasn't caling me because I hadn't called him when I said I would". In my defence I had called him 5 more times after that supposed time but that didn't matter.

That happened yesturday and he called me today to say hi like nothing happened. I was being distant but didn't say anything and then he blew up at me and said "what the hell are u doing, why are u being like this". I said nothing and he said "I don't have time for this" and I said "me neither" and he said not to call him anymore. I haven't but I am sure he will call me tonight and pretend like nothing happened.

I think that is what bothers me most. That we canget in an argument one minute and the next he is fine. Meanwhile I am still upset and he doesn't understand why and then I look like the bad guy because I am not being nice.

I don't know where this is going and I don't know what will happen but I have been soo frustrated that in needed to get it all out of my mind.

Thanks for reading if u made it this far because i have made it this far living it.





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