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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

"I can understand if there is abuse or neglect in a marriage or relationship but damn...These man and woman who feel their life is DULL look to another person??? They can't find a hobby, volunteer their time, get a pet, go shopping, hang with their children or family and friends? Do they lose themselves so much that they think having an affair is the answer?"

I don't think she wants to have an affair, I think she's confused by having romantic feelings for two men at the same time. Personally, I don't think it's possible to be truly in love with more than one person at the same time. If your mind is on another person, in means you're not getting what you need from the other person. BUT, as stupid as it sounds, I may have some advice that I recall from an episode of Home Improvement, that Tim Allen sit com. Tim came home from work while Jill had a group of her friends at the house and he was charming and attentive and funny and witty and all that, and it really turned her on. She was busy that night, but they made plans for romance the next night after Tim got home from taking the boys to the tractor show. When he came home he was tired, dirty, gassy, breaking wind, all that stuff. What it boiled down to is that sometimes married people get so used to each other that they let their hair down around each other and safe the best parts of themselves for the rest of the world. They forget to save a little of their best, their clean, charming, handsome, pretty, witty selves for their mates. Could this be what's happened in your marriage? Could this be why you're not sexually turned on by your husband anymore? Maybe you've both just gotten so comfortable with each other you've forgotten to charm each other and romance each other again. I'd say sit down, if I'm not mistaken you said you're in counceling, sit down with your hubby and counselor and discuss the matter, discuss what you both can do to put romance back into your lives. Life is too short to have a marriage that's not fulfilling and if the sex and intimacy aren't there, I don't see the point really. Your ex may not be the answer, but who knows, he may, but you owe it to yourself to exhaust every effort in making your marriage passionate and fulfilling again. I don't believe that passion and romance has to die just because you've been married so many years. You both just have to be willing to acknowledge and work on the problem. If you hubby isn't at all interested in working on the problem and doesn't care that you're not sexually or romantically satisfied, then you may need to consider leaving, not for your ex, but just for yourself. If a sexually and romantically satisfying partnership is what you need to be happy, then you should go out and find it if your husband is unwilling to help bring it back to your marriage.

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