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Re: Need help
Mar 22, 2004
Banker,I wish i could have posted you sooner.whenI read the original post, my heart went out to you even though i couldn't tell you so.I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this on top of all the other suff you are currently dealing with.I don't mean to make your situation sound trite but if you go back through your other posts where you talk about your boyfriend in relation to your kids,your relationship really didn't have much of a chance to begin with, your kids sensed the hostility put towards them by this man.Kids are really quite amazing judges of character.If you read some of your posts you will see this too.your # one priority has always been your children.and being a mother,and getting yourself better and that is the way it should be.one thing that would absolutely scare me the most about being a single mother is how would another man treat my children.unfortunetly ,you hear some really bad things that happen to children who are left with the "boyfriend"while the mom goes grocery shopping or is at work,only to come home and one of the children is badly injured or worse.i am not saying this to scare you banker, this kind of sad thing happens way too often to innocent children.when you see a child react in a rather strange manner to a boyfriend, or they make strange comments about his behavior,those are the things that tell you that something just isn't right in that relationship.and most men,who have never had children or have never been around children find it extremely difficult to handle all of the stressors that come along with them.Just think of how crazy they drive you sometimes?now put yourself in the boyfriend position,can you just imagine how stressed out they can get?You deal with the stuff because you are the mommy and you love them dearly.someone else who does not have an actual attatchment to your kids will never have the patience and tolerance that the mommy in you does.I know that when i used to babysit my girlfriends girls once in a while, my boys would be bouncing of the walls and it really didn't phase me, but oh my god, when the girls started their little girl whines, it really drove me just crazy!You have so much more tolerance for your own children than you do others.i am not saying in any way that this is everyones reaction,only some.the same thing with other men out there, not all are total jerks when it comes to really possibly loving someone elses kids,unfortunetly it isn't quite as common.
I really feel that with all that you have been through,even just the short time that I have been reading your posts,you have come sooo far.you are a very strong women Banker and you and your children deserve a wonderful man ,not to 'take care" of you.but someone who will love you for who you are, and what a wonderful strong person you have become.You are funny(something i demand in a man)You are very courageous in what you set out to do here and you have really found out who you are and I think you are really starting to like her?you are also a very thoughtful and truely kind person.any man that would be lucky enough to find you would truely find the jewel.I know you have to grieve this man out of your system, and it sounds like your kids are helping you to do that(don't they just amaze you sometimes?)I really do think that from what you have said they sound very relieved that he is now out of yours and their lives.with all you have gone through,you and your children need some time to get things back on track,spend as much time as you can with them.encourage them to always come to you if they feel something isn't right,or they need to express their doubts and fears.this all happened for a reason Banker.I am a true believer in fate.you and your boyfriend are now broken up for it is now time for you to work with your kids and get yourselves all back on track together once again as the Banker family(it would have sounded so much better if i knew your last name)And as far as meeting other men to date?do you attend any meetings?There are plenty of eligable men there at meetings some that have been in the program and sober for many many years.they say to try not to get involved in a serious relationship during the first year or so of your sobriety,but hey, who says you just can't go out for coffee sometime and just talk.there are many many places where you could find any number of single men.From what i have observed over the years, women seen to have the best luck in finding a really good man when they aren't even really trying.just let nature take its course.And you dont have to say anything to them about your addiction history.that is totally your decision to make.maybe you will/maybe you wont.but don't spend time worrying about something like that right now okay?just worry and think about the stuff that really matters in your life and don't sweat the small stuff,the small stuff usually takes care of itself.i hope you didn't feel like i am butting in.I always sense in your posts that you don't feel that you really did anything all that great because you chose to use the sub.you do this alot banker, you put yourself down,and it really bothers me to see you do that.The sub is just a tool,you did the hard part.you need to give yourself MUCH more credit than you do.i am very proud of you and you should be too.give yourself a break okay/you really deserve it.now go pat yourself on the back and say way to go Banker! God i'm good!!I am quite the lady.I am woman hear me roar dammit!! Okay, i am sorry i got a llttle carried away there for a minute but I'm back now.Just remember a little corny something my grammy used to tell me everytime something in my life went sour."this to shall pass' love ya banker,and hang in there, we all care about you and will always be here to help you over the rough spots okay?now go give all your babies big hugs and kisses. Marcia





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