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Re: Need help
Mar 23, 2004
Good morning, Banker - (Although you might quesion the "good.") :D

I think it's fine that you called him to help close the relationship by discussing what was on your mind. I need to talk things through, also. I need to understand what went thru that person's mind. It doesn't make you feel much better--but it does at least keep you from spending all that time wondering and wondering, until you drive yourself crazy.

Perhaps this is the time to tell you a "funny" story about the day my husband said he was leaving (this was two years ago.) Actually, it wasn't really funny, because I realized he was in the middle of a nervous breakdown (he was so controlled all the time that for him a nervous breakdown was just talking too-fast, getting very flushed and saying ludicrous emotional things--not really "breaking down". But he discussed it so intelligently and so articulately--that I had to pinch myself to realize that he was in the middle of a mental blow-out. (He's English...and has mastered the art of "never let them see you sweat." LOL!)

Anyway---here I am standing there--and he just says "I'm leaving." Then he proceeds to tell me in this totally flipped-out manner how his life is going to turn 360 degrees as soon as he's in a new life. (This is a fellow who hadn't worked for 5 years due to his own emotional problems--problems he would not deal with.) He could afford this financially because he'd always had a good job (Director in Publishing), and he had enough money to indulge himself and still pay the bills. We shared rent, etc...but he paid all the bills.

We'd been in this sort of surreal relationship those last few years with him perfectly happy avoiding reality, but taking care of all his responsibilities. And...suddenly....he was absolutely, totally convinced he was going to reverse it all and be a new man. Absolutely no doubt about it!! "He loved me," he said---but he needed a new life. And...all the time...he sounded so hyper...like he was on speed...but I realized it was a breakdown. But he refused to ever see a psychiatrist.

Well...the point of this all is.....right after he told me it was over....he suddenly brought out one of these simplified how-to-be-happy-in-life books and handed it to me...as a farewell. The book?? "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"!!!! I am sure my mouth just fell open--I do know I started to laugh, kind of hysterically...but laughing, nonetheless. It was like this fellow, normally having the best sense of humor, but in a state of total mental breakdown, had utterly failed to see the total ludicrousness of handing your mate of 27 years a cutesy, quotation book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff." He then proceeded to read me the best quotes from it. Sooooo insane!

Anyway....of course there's tons more to this story and this break-up...and how we did talk through it all before he left.....but thought you might at least have a chuckle when you read this story--and realize that there are some very unique ways to break-up a relationship!!! I have saved the book (along with the card he wrote) as a souvenir of just how strange our lives can get!!! :rolleyes:

Take care, Banker.......love, Lynn





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