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Dude, you sound just like me a year ago. My ex split up with me basically because I was too clingy and relied upon her too much when she was supposed to be enjoying her freedom and development at university. I too was at uni (still am) but wasn't so much into going out like she was. This not only meant I was pestering her too much (which she used to like but stopped liking :() but meant I grew increasingly concerned at the amount she was going out (because it meant she was always either drunk or hung over). She once told me she found it tough seeing her new friends on the pull when she had to stay faithful to me. For the most part she satisfied her urges by phoning me or getting on the train to come and see me (which wasn't always very practical). But we should have called it a day from the first time she expressed those feelings to me. She started to resent me for taking up the time she was supposed to use to get to know her new friends.

She often tells me that she reckons we would have been fine if the majority of her mates had long-term boyfriends, too. In fact, we both agree that during the first year while her best friend had a boyfriend we were strongest because she had the best of both worlds: getting drunk with her mates in the week and seeing me at the weekend. I have brilliant memories of that period of my life and always will. But like I said, I wish we had ended on a high because during the second year we started to bicker about the most pointless things because she was trying to juggle her social life and me at the same time. I would get annoyed that she was tired from the week's drinking and she would come back by having a go at me for depriving her of seeing her friends at the weekend. I offered to back off but she would always apologise sincerely and I would stupidly think things were Ok.

After the inevitable happened I was a complete zombie for a long time. There were other things going on in my life that made the whole thing seem completely unbearable. But I truly believed that life wasn't worth living without her. To cut a long story short, though, I can tell you now that it needn't feel that way. I'd convinced myself that I wouldn't be able to look at, let alone touch, another woman. But I've moved on in that direction and I can't quite understand why I used to feel so helpless and spellbound by my ex. I suppose time has a big part to do with it. There are no rules about getting over someone. I was with my ex for three years and for the most part we both believed we would always be together. A lot of foolish sentiments were banded about (mainly by her) which made losing her ten times harder and more confusing.

During that time I thought I was abnormal for feeling so sad and devastated. I could literally feel the pain in my stomach every day. I actually contacted the student support service about getting free counselling but I never recieved a reply (my e-mail was so open and explicit that they probably thought it was a hoax). That was probably just as well since I may have ended up being diagnosed with depression and might still be on medication for it. At the end of the day what saved me from myself was a positive attitude. That's it. I wonder if I had been more positive 18 months ago would she have carried on loving me but I don't think *I* had much to do with her decision to ditch me. I've come to the conclusion that two people at university cannot maintain a long-term relationship because of the pressures to meet new people and try new things.

My advice (as defeatist as it may sound) is to accept that reality and put aside those three good years while you're both good friends and embrace all the opportunities that arise at college. I'm in my last year now and there's literally one week 'til Easter and then it's revision, revision, revision. I'm not one to bear regrets but I am annoyed that I've left it until now to get out more and meet new people (not just girls - meeting new guy mates is important and cool, too). I wish I had not been so stressed out about losing my ex and just got out more instead. Don't make the same mistake buddy. Good luck whatever happens ;)





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