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Jealousy
Mar 21, 2004
Hi everyone.

I just wanted to know some tips to help overcome jealousy. I mean, I know a little bit of jealousy is good because you care for that person but last night, I flipped out. My girlfriend and I went out with a couple of her friends to a dance club which was not so good since I'm not a dancer. In fact I hate it. lol Well, anyway my girlfriend is dancing with her friends and all is good. And then a guy that was a friend of a friend started dancing with her and everything is still all good. I guess I felt a little jealous because it should be me dancing with her. So I go bring her a beer she ordered and I dance with her for a bit and then we go dancing on a diff. floor and she tells me "don't be jealous ok? I'm gonna dance with this guy" who was this lonely looking dude just standing by himself on the dancefloor. and I thought it was nice of her to do that and so I just danced by myself for a bit. But then later on she said she's done dancing and we go sit down. We talk and laugh and she tells me she'll be right back and I sit and wait for her. She starts talking to her 2 friends and out of nowhere these 3 guys come running over and start hugging them and the girls are all getting into it and pretty soon they're all dancing with each other and I'm just sitting there watching all of this. And pretty soon, the guys come back with shots for the ladies and they dance some more and these guys were just all over them. I finally had enough and it was almost closing time anyway so I walk over and tell her that I was all set to go. She kisses me and says just a minute and that she'll be coming over. And I go and sit again and figure she's gonna tell her friends what's going on. And instead they talk so me more and start grinding with these guys and then my girlfriend takes two of the guys by the hand and leads them over to play twister. And the two guys are all giving each other high fives and that set me off over the edge. I told the guy we met up with there that I was extremely mad that she never once wanted to have fun like that with me but she's over there having the time of her life with 2 strangers. Anyway, in the end, things got pretty heated and she said I need to be able to trust her and everything. After all was said and done though, we opened up and told each other just how we feel about each other which was a shocker for me because I had no clue she felt that deeply for me and then we started telling each other all the bad stuff that was going on in our lives and she said she wasn't used to having a guy like me and etc.. I just don't know... How am I supposed to not get upset about stuff like that? She says I need to talk to her if I have a problem which would be fine and dandy but I'm sure that wouldn't have gone over well. Any suggestions? I really really want to be with this girl forever and I don't want my jealousy to destroy this
Re: Jealousy
Mar 21, 2004
[QUOTE=Salinas1]You have jealousy confused with plain and simple poor manners and lack of respect. The "you don't trust me" rhetoric is often a smokescreen for trouble. You were dissed, not the other way around. Her "I care for you deeply" conversation is somehow not well aligned with the behaviors she displayed (at least as you present them).

Just a caution to keep an objective eye open as you move forward with this girlfriend. Things are far more often what they appear to be than they are what one wants to say they are.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I didn't fully explain everything because I was running late for work. But now I'm here at work and I can elaborate a bit more...

The thing is that I trust her fully. I just don't trust other people. I mean, I know she's just having fun and I fully support that. But when drunken guys meet friendly women.. I know what goes through their minds, I'm a guy too. Well, I screwed up too because I went overboard. I overreacted and asked the guy we met there if he would give everyone a ride home that night because I was gonna leave. He said he would and I said thanks. I went back to the car and got all of their things out and went back in and handed all their stuff to them and said I was leaving. At that moment the lights all came on in the club and she looked at me when I gave her all her stuff back. (at this time she's sitting at our table with our friends again). and she asks me what's wrong. And I said "you're asking ME what's wrong!?" and we get in an argument and she told me if I had a problem all I needed to do was go over and talk to her instead of just go to the extreme. And I thought about it and she was right. I made an *** out of myself that night and it was all messed up. Well, the whole deep conversation stuff came up about a half an hour later. We sat in the car and she said she was sorry about everything and that she fully understood how I would get pissed off in that situation but that I needed to talk to her if I was getting upset. She said she would've gotten upset if the tables were turned as well but that she would never just dump off my stuff and leave me somewhere with my friends. And so we were supposed to go out to breakfast with her friends right afterwards so we made our way north about 30 min away. On the way there she told me that she loved me and that she wanted me to be in there for the rest of her life and that she knew she shouldn't have acted like that at the club etc. And so then we stop at the restaurant and talk a little bit more and then she told me that she didn't want to scare me off but she wanted me to eventually be her little girl's daddy. And I told her it didn't scare me at all. And then she started crying saying her baby's father was a real jerk and that it's going to be really hard to tell her daughter that I'm not her real father. And then she really started crying and all of a sudden we're talking about all kinds of problems we're dealing with and we sat outside of this place for a long time. I told her I'd always be there for her and I don't want to bore you all with every little detail so in the end it all boiled down to communication. There was none that night and I went off the deep end.

What hurt me was when she said "Joey, I'm not a *****, ok?" immediately after the incident. Because I totally didn't think she was being one.

Anyway, that's pretty much the whole thing in a nutshell. As we went home around 4am, she told me that the best part of the entire time both day and night, was when we were playing catch in the backyard with her daughter. She said that when I'm with her and her daughter it just feels so right and makes her feel at ease, comfortable, and very happy. She said even her mom told her that she looks complete now. I think I'm just afraid to lose her, I don't know. Relationships... Just when you think you know it all, something new and wild happens. I've never been in that situation before because my last girlfriend and I never went out to clubs or anything like that and I told my girlfriend that last night. And she said we need to talk if something's wrong so it doesn't get out of hand. She also said "I told you not to be jealous if I was dancing with someone else multiple times tonight" Which she indeed did and I thought I could handle it, but I couldn't. Everytime I started to get really jealous, I'd walk up near her and she'd throw her arms around me and start kissing me.
Re: Jealousy
Mar 22, 2004
[QUOTE=eightball61]Most guys would allow the girl to talk to them...It don't matter if they are married, signle, or taken. Guys like it when another woman is interested.

Girls are different when they go out with there friends they stick together. I have seen time when I man would go dance with one of the friends and the group pulls her away.

There are some men (like me) that just go out once in a while and will play pool, darts, or watch the people. Some of us don't go there to pick a female up.

Now, if we were there and she was out dancing with a guy in this case I would be abothered by it. And if a girl came up to talk to me I would take the "cant talk to you ticket."

I can't see talking or flirting with someone when you are out with you special love. ITs just wrong in my book to flirt with someone else while you are trying to make a relationship into a long term relationship.[/QUOTE]

But eightball, you don't give your girl much credit. You mean that you go out to shoot pool and play darts by yourself but if your girl goes out alone, she is picking up guys? If you [B]really[/B] think that, might need to find a new girl.......

Also, you said rather than saying "no thankyou" that you would "allow the woman to talk to you." You added that men like to feel that other women are interested in them. Why is that different for women?! I love it when I get hit on....it's flattering. Does NOT mean I'm gonna go home with them!!!!! This double standard is so sad!!

You are basically implying that women are incapable of handling themselves with dignity and therefore "need" men to be jealous and overbearing. Which is SOOOOO not true.

OK...one more thing and I'll shut up. (Don't get frustrated with me eightball....this is just something that I know you struggle with, so let's see what we can do to ease your tension about stuff like this. :D ) You commented that you think it is wrong for people to flirt with others WHEN THEY ARE OUT WITH THEIR LOVE. But you seem to think it IS ok if that person is NOT there. Maybe this is where your insecurity comes from? I personally do not see anything wrong with brief, harmless flirting. We ALL do it. It strokes the ego and boosts confidence. Not to mention, it just makes you smile!!! My Dh gets hit on all the time....in front of me AND when I'm not there. And he should! He's hot! I just take it as a compliment. Unless the person crosses the line, makes him uncomfortable, or just won't take NO as an answer. [B]Then[/B] I'll show my "Springer side." But not until.....
Re: Jealousy
Mar 25, 2004
[QUOTE=eightball61]Why break up with her if things get to serious? Did you want to settle with her?

If a girl is taking , yes she should watch what she does at the club or around other guys. What I am saying for the most part is they need some distence to hang with friends also. If her cared they wouldn't have let that happen and just pulled her away.

If you care for her stick with her and work out your problems and see how things go from there. We all have problems in relationships and if there were no such thing as having problems we wouldn't be posting here.[/QUOTE]

Eightball - what his girlfriend did to him at the club was WRONG, she totally dismissed him as a BOYFRIEND and showed no respect to the relationship by dancing with other unknown men in his present....

I'm not saying he should break up with her over this, if they could talk about what happened about that evening and what value does she place on the relationship, does she want a relationship with him or does she want to go clubbin with her girlfriends, dance with guys, and have fun...

His post question was should he have been jealous over that evening of events, and from his post, what I read and got out of it was It's not a JEALOUS thing that happened that evening it was RUDE and wrong on the GIRLFRIEND's part...There was nothing about control, insecuries, or jealousy
Joseph did dance with his girlfriend and HE even did mind her dancing with other guys...BUT....I feel she went too FAR with it...Based on his post and what he wrote.......I don't think ANY man or woman would have put up with that.....





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