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Basically the story is this:

Boyfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months, we spend just about every day (or night, rather) together, we cook dinner together frequently - we even work together (although, he's on a different floor and department so we don't really see eachother at work unless we pop in for a hello for a few minutes).

I've grown very comfortable and satisfied with having him as such a big part of my life, it gives me a lot of faith that we'd do very well should we progress to living together, marrying - whatever.

Anyway, the problem right now... his best friend just got married and they're having a wedding ceremony in Columbia (his wife is from there). My bf and a huge group of his friends are flying out there for the wedding over my birthday -- but my boyfriend is staying for 25 days. Basically a month, we'll say.

I'm really, really torn up about this. A week, 7 - 10 days, sure - go have a blast, but a month?! I'm having an incredibly hard time dealing with the thought of him going away for so long. I've never been much of a socially 'busy' person, many of my friends are long distance, and I was extremely introverted and isolated in Highschool so I've had just about ENOUGH of spending all of my days and nights alone an miserable.

Due to some childhood history, in therapy we've discovered I have some very serious abandonment issues - so I tend to just hold on where I can. While I'm doing my best to work on these things (it doesn't flip on and off, it WILL take some time) - I'm so completely distraught about his leaving.

I tried to do something positive for myself, for my birthday - by putting a trip together with 4 or 5 girlfriends to Mexico over a 7 day period. Unfortunately, while it all started out okay - it all finally fell apart yesterday and now Mexico is off. No one can get the time off, money, whatever it is - it just isn't working out. Now I'm even more depressed, I was really trying hard to fight the miserable feeling and give myself something to look forward too - and it just blew up in my face.

I have one camping trip over Memorial Day weekend planned, but that's it. 3 days out of 25.

I really need advice and help, I've come to be really blah about spending time with myself because I did it so often over a 5 year period that I got to the point where it just makes me very depressed.

What can I do? How can I feel comfortable about this trip? My first instinctual thought was "Why is he leaving me for so long? Why does he want to go away?". Pathetic, yes, I know.

We've talked (and yes, argued) about it a few times and it's really bugging me that I can't get over feeling like this. I'm concerned for his safety (he's going to Columbia for 13 days, CAMPING for Christs sake... then he's going to backpack through Peru with one other person for 12 days!!), I don't even get to hear his voice for that entire 25 days - not even on my birthday. The thought of such a complete cut off is so painful for me... and yes, it scares me. It does make me feel abandoned, and it's one of my most irrational fears. I can tell myself "he's going to miss me so much, he's going to come back having a new appreciation for our relationship - I"ll get some time alone, it'll be good for us". And I'm sure on some level it will, but it seems SO long.. and such a big gap of time to not even talk...

Please someone, help me out here... I want to feel the right thing and I can't help but feel sad. I really am tired of being like this :(

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