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Relationship Health Message Board


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Well, I agree with you, I don't think it's a trust issue, it's a matter of propriety. I remember once I went on a business trip with my boss and we had to do some work in his room, but I was only there for about 10 minutes while he explained what he wanted me to do, then I took the work into my room. But if your guy travels with an orchestra, what work would need to be done in a hotel room? Rehearsing a piece of music, or a specific passage, or something? That could and should be done with at least 3 people, I would think. No, if it's just one woman in his room alone, chances are they are socializing, not rehearsing, or "working". So now the question becomes, what is appropriate socializing between collegues when there's no work involved? Personally, I feel it's terribly inappropriate for one man and one woman who are work collegues and are in a relationship with other people to be alone together in a hotel room, where there also happens to be a bed, with the door closed. It just has the appearance of inpropriety and can start gossip, etc. It could be very possible your boyfriend isn't doing anything wrong, but he's not showing any respect for you by putting himself in a position where it looks like he could be up to no good, and he's also showing very little respect for your feelings on this issue. I mean, if a bunch of people are hanging out in one or two adjoining rooms sort of having a gathering or party, that's one thing, but your boyfriend, closed in a hotel room with one woman alone, that's just not proper. But, the flipside is, how are you going to stop him if he wants to do it, and doesn't care how you feel about it, and sees nothing wrong with it? Looks like you don't have much choice but to grin and bear it, or get a spy on your side, a co-worker of his that you know and trust that will be honest with you and tell you what he's really up to on the road, or maybe you can make a surprise visit or two. But otherwise, I don't see where there's much you can do about it. My question is, how do you know for sure he hangs out with women alone in his room? Did he tell you about certain situations? Perhaps he wouldn't tell you if he were really up to no good. If you think he's being faithful, but just not looking appropriate, I guess you'll have to decide how important that is to you.
I don't think you don't trust, it's just a certain level of respect (imo) that's required in a relationship. You don't go around finding situations that are inappropriate to begin with and then going through with them.

I think it's pretty disrespectful personally, for a man or a woman in a relationship to hook up with someone of the opposite sex for anything one on one at a hotel room or apartment. Even if one is married or whatever - I just don't think that's very kind to anyone's SO. Granted I have a hard time with opposite sex friends at all - but that's a different story. I can recognize what's acceptable and what's just disrespectful to a boyfriend or girlfriend... going to someone's hotel room alone (or having someone in his hotel room) is disrespectful to you.
HA! :jester:

were you two very serious?

I understand you about one thing- there's no way you can control what someone's going to do... if my boyfriend wants to do something, he'll do it! This is hard because I see it from both sides. I personally do not have many male friends, and definitely none close enough to feel comfortable doing the stuff he does with them..........and the thing is, if I do say "ok I will try and accept you hanging out in your hotel room with your friend, but can you please just not drink in there and lie around on the bed?" How stupid would THAT sound??????? ARRRGHHH!





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