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Relationship Health Message Board

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[QUOTE]They are now non drinkers but it's kept all in secret and was before my entering into his life.

I have thought of going to Alanon meetings and even mentioned this to my boyfriend a couple of months ago. He told me there was not need to go and I just dropped it because again, I am mad that I have to go to Alanon while he continues to hide his drinking and does not acknowledge his abuse or closet drinking. When I know all I have to do instead of going to Alanon is leave him. Why should I go! Because I love him? I do love him and I do care for him, I have done so much for him, I hide his "disease" from his ex-wife so he can see his children, I hide it from his children so they don't see their father as a drunk, I hide it from my family so they don't think I am a loser with a loser, (that is what they will think) I hide it from certain friends so they don't form a bad opionion of him, I hide it from some of his family memebers and they all know what he is. I hide it and he hides drinking.[/QUOTE]

Secrecy is usually a component of alcoholism. You feel embarrassed, as you said, and it's not like he is admitting that he has a what can you really say to anyone, right? Just please be VERY careful that you do not start playing the role of the enabler......

[QUOTE]My wedding plans are off. I am not marrying him. I am not confused or hurt about my decision on marrying him I know in my heart that I have done the right thing on not marrying him.[/QUOTE]

You have absolutely done the right thing!!

I think probably the most difficult part of this is that he is STILL denying that there is a problem. "I don't need AA. You don't need Al-Anon. Move along people.....nothing to see no attention to the alcohol behind the curtain....." You are right, though, when you say in your post that he is not leaving you any options. You said yourself that he either has to do something about this or you have to go. I hate that he is limiting you in what you are able to decide in the end.

One more thing, though....You mentioned your daughter. Yes she is 18 and off at college. Yes you raised her to be strong and independant. What would you say to her if it were HER in this situation?? you think it undermines your teachings of strength and independance if you remain in this without him changing?????

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