It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


First off thank you for all of your replies.
Second of all, I have known him for more then 5 months. We decided to take our relationship further when we decided to get serious.
I have known him (as a friend and all) for about a year. I am sorry for writing before that I have only known him 5 months period. I meant 5 months in a living situation and serious relationship.
We went away for the weekend. So I was not around to reply to anyones posts.
I dropped my girls off at my moms and we left for the weekend.
As far as having a man living in my house WITH my kids that has depression or bi polar YES I do.
I am not afraid to say that. No it's not an easy situation.
As far as everyones critisism, I can understand it.
While we went away for the weekend, he decided HE was going to talk to me about what was going on. I did not bring it up nor was I going to bring it up.
Yes he is having a problem being in a relationship with 2 kids.
That is where his main problem comes up. He is the type that wants things his way and if he doesn't get them he gets mad.
And with kids you don't get things your way all the time. He just never thought raising kids was going to be as hard as it is to raise mine. (it's never easy raising kids). His main problem was that WE don't get out by ourselves enough. And this weekend out was something he has wanted to do for a long time. So actually getting out to do something was a big deal for him.
I told him that if he was not ready to be with someone with kids he needed to leave now. Because it is never going to get easier raising them.
He just simply stated we need to get out more by ourselves. NOT that he didn't want to be here with someone with kids.
He fell in love with me knowing I had 2 kids and he does love the kids to death. And he knows that I come as a package deal. He as he put it was being very selfish and is being very selfish about the whole situation at hand. Kids don't do what he wants them to do so he gets pissy blah blah. Stuff like that. Typical kid stuff. He likes the house spotless and with kids you can't always have the house spotless. That sort of stuff.
He is starting to give me 100 a week for bills.
More then fair I think, I don't even pay 400 a month in bills as it is now.
So it's more than fair in my eyes.
He just gave me 200 this week (his idea not mine) and then another 200 next week.
I guess it was all just giving him his chance to let him figure things out for himself.
Which I did. I left him alone to deal with it.
I did however tell him that he still needs to think about if he really wants to be here and be apart of this family. And if the doubt comes into his mind one more time that he would be leaving. Cause I won't deal with the up downs of it anymore.
He has gone to numerous doctors about his depression and they all say he only has depression not bi polar. But I really believe he has bi polar.
I do love him. So I think that I am going to stick it out and see if he does what he says he is going to.
HE says he wants to stay and work it out. And he knows what his problems are he just needs to work through them. I will give him the chance to do so.
No I will not let it last longer then it needs to.
If it does not change within the time slot I want, then I will end things.
I came on here asking for opinions. I did not come on here expecting to get critized for having a man living with me that has depression or bi polar just cause I have kids.
It's hard to deal with a person with depression and bi polar. But it can work if both parties are willing to work on it. I am NOT here simply because I feel sorry for him.
My kids love him to death. He is really one of the best people that have come into their lives. And I honestly believe he wants to make this work. So I want to find out.
I don't just want to end it just cause things are getting hard.
So I just wanted to find out what everyone else thought.
Yes he WAS taking advantage of the situation at hand. He himself admitted that and said he never meant to do that. Hence the reason he is going to give me 400 a week for bills (for now, more later) and help around the house more.
I will also be going back to school and getting a job after school ends to help myself and our relationship out. It's not just him that has problems to live through. I need to make myself better as well.

I do appreciate everyones opinions on the situation.
But I do love the man with everything I have. So I think I'm going to stick it out for a little while longer and see if he works things out with me. If I see no difference in him wanting to make things better, then fine. I'll end it. But if I don't at least stick it out for awhile. I will never know.

Thanks to you all.
[QUOTE=GirlHarley]Hi again, Well I for one am not judging you nor do I think you are wrong with your post. I see you (and of course I'm solely going by what you have written) You have good insight in regards to your relationship,
I give you much credit for your relationship and the strength you have shown to give so much of yourself to this man along with your girls.
NO stones thrown, no judgement passed...

I responded because I saw a good woman...That being YOU, who has so much going for her, who is focussed, and I guess would rather see you with someone who Can take care of YOU, not your girls...But you...AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU! :)

When I responded to you earlier today, I was writing from my own experience where I was involved with someone who said they loved me, my child, yada yada...but then after a year dumped me because I had baggage...It hurt!

My boyfriend now, we live together...we own a home, accepts my son.
I wouldn't say he loves my son, he says he does / but I haven't felt it.
A mother KNOWS these things. He sometimes picks on the stupid issues about my son that drives me crazy.........
but then.... I also have to look at his relationship with his own children.
I think I love them more them HIM! He is a great guy don't get me wrong,
he is a good dad. but we do have or I should say He can really piss me off sometimes when he makes comments about MY SON. He likes to act "old fashion" with my son and his own kids.

I love him (boyfriend) so much...but my son comes frist and I even put his kids ahead of him Sometimes. We agrue about the kids.. but I always win when it comes to the children because they are my first priority and I am always looking out for their best interests. If he ever said to me I don't know if I could deal with your son or my bagage, I could not handle that! I would kick him to the door, but that is me..Because I am not strong like you...

You mentioned about two parents living in the household with problems.
I agree with you, but lets face it...Nothing beats the real parents...For some reason it is just different. I run into issues sometimes with my exhusband because of how much he DOES spoil our son with the material things when my son is not pulling his weight with chores or school grades. But again, if a guy did tell me even if he was being honest about his feelings...I just couldn't handle hearing something negative about my son...

I wish you luck with your relationship, You really sound strong and sure of yourself and I mean that in a positive way...... :wave:[/QUOTE]

Well I have to admit. Kids are hard to deal with period. No matter who it is. Parents or the boyfriend or girlfriend.
Yes I actually love the fact he told me he is having a hard time with the kids.
At least he is honest. And we can work on it. He just is NOT use to being around kids on a full time basis. That alone takes time.
But thank you.
It sounds like you are in a tough situation yourself.
But we all do what we have to do to make sure we and our kids are happy.
And in all honesty as long as no one is getting physically and mentally hurt, that's what should matter. Is that you ARE working on the problems w/o getting the kids involved in the middle of it.
[QUOTE=SophiaM][B]"My own values dictate that bringing a man into the house as a father figure, that does not have a legal status to the children, who has, while living in that environment expressed emotional attachment to a former girlfriend, who has openly questioned his readiness to take on the role of father, simply not fair or right for the children. "[/B]

I have to agree here with Salinas. I don't think she's bashing you at all; I think she is bringing up a very valid concern and that concern has nothing to do with being involved with someone who has some problems. That concern is that since the situation is still unresolved and he has not yet made a commitment to stay with you and be a step-father to the kids, it is not the safest and most secure environment for the kids to be growing up in. My parents divorced when I was a child. A few years later, my mother did the same exact thing you did: moved in with a guy she was madly in love with, in the hopes of it "working out." Well, let me tell you that I got very attached to him, despite the fact he was not the most reliable guy in the world. I wanted my mother to be happy, but he was just not a "father material" (drank too much and also kind of lived off of my mother financially). After a couple of years, just as i started calling him "daddy," he left my mother, who had just had his baby in the hospital. Disappeared like the biggest coward on earth. Wrote my mother a letter he just couldn't deal with the pressure of being a family man and all, asked her to forgive him. Do you have ANY idea what it does to a child? Your children are looking up to this guy as a father figure and getting attached to him as we speak. Yes, they WILL blame themselves if he leaves. I felt absolutely devastated when my almost step-father left. I had no idea what happened and why he wouldn't be coming home anymore. I thought I had done something that caused him to abandon us. That maybe if I had been a better kid, he wouldn't have left and made my mother so unhappy. I hate that man to this day. I was 7 years old when he left. So, you can rationalize it all you want, and listen to advice from a well-meaning but naive about life 22 year old (don't mean that as an offense), and do what you want. Of course, this is your life. But don't kid yourself that your children will not be affected because they will be, and it is all a gamble at this point (he MIGHT stay, or he MIGHT go). You're saying that he's doing "great" and making great improvements, but it's only been a few days since you posted. I would have a serious conversation with him whether he intends to marry you and be the best father to your kids he can be, because you are taking a big risk if you just leave that to chance. If you don't want him to move out until he's ready to make that commitment, at least establish a time frame in the near future for it to happen, so that you and your girls can live in a more stable environment. I wish you all the best.[/QUOTE]



I have discussed this with him. And HE DOES plan on marrying me. And he DOES plan on playin the father figure for my children.
YES he has concerns about whether or not he will be good enough. But what man going into a relationship with 2 kids doesn't?
I never once sat there and said my children would not be effected if he left.
Show me where I said that? I simply stated what I would do IF he did leave.
But he isn't going to because he has shown me and says that he wants to be here to raise my children and live a life with me.
I also stated in a few posts that I HAVE established a time frame to see if he is going to work his problems out and get them worked out and I do believe I have said MANY times that if he does not show me he has worked them out. Then he will move out.
So far so good with him working out his problems. I will give him the benefit of the doubt.
He does not drink nor does he do drugs, and he no longer as you put it mooch off me financially.
He is now giving me money for bills. And I believe him when he says he will continue to do so. Because HE is the one that brought up giving me money for bills. NOT me.
I'm not putting my children in DANGER as you put it by having him here.
I went through a seperation with my oldest daughters father. I said that before. She went through heck. And if my bf does leave or I have to have him leave yes it's going to be heck again for them. Doesn't matter if it is now or later. Because my girls are already attached to him.
I have known him for a year. Friends first NOW a relationship. So they have known him for awhile as well.
He IS making this commitment with me.
He has decided that he is no longer questioning us, there was no reason for him to question us. Just that he got scared, because raising kids is hard and he was wondering if he would do a good job at it. Which he is GREAT with my girls.
I never once said anything about it not effecting my daughters as all though.
As far as me saying she was bashing me. I didn't say she was.
If you would have read what i wrote.
You would have seen that I said it was uncalled for her to sit there and tell me there is a reason a cycle is a cycle.
It was uncalled for and rude.
I simply brought that up.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:53 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!