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[QUOTE=annebash]Ok , I have to say this because this is what I have learned over the past year about men (my husband included). I used to be a very independent person. I may be married, but I have come to learn that I cannot wrap my whole world around this man. And if you guys are merely dating, I cannot emphasize enough that you need some balance in your life. Your life cannot revolve around this man. Its not fair to him, and its not fair to you. Life is multi-faceted. You need to have many interests, so when he cant be there, you arent pining for him, which causes your misery at being alone to turn into anger-directed at him. Somehow, I ended up doing that very thing. Suddenly, my husbands schedule became very demanding, and I got left alone-ALOT. I spent all my time literally waiting for him to be around, like nothing else mattered but the time I had with him. I was selling myself short there. Of course, this led to anger, and I became lonely, and then bitter towards him. I should have reached out to my friends, found a hobby-anything to keep me busy, happy, and sane while he was away. After many months of nagging, fighting, and arguing about this, he wanted out. We separated. He had at first become pretty unavailable emotionally towards me. Then he said it was over. At first, i was devastated. but I did some hard thinking and realized that I had no life outside of him. I reached out to old friends, gained a few new hobbies, enjoyed my time with our children,and became so busy, somehow I regained that happiness, and was no longer lonely or upset. When my husband started to see the "old me" again, he came back to me. The thing is, the process wasnt easy. At first, I had to force myself to do these things, and I didnt really enjoy them. But after a while, I stopped missing him and began enjoying other aspects of my life, instead of focusing everything on him. Our relationship is alot better now, because I am happy, and not clingy, angry, nagging, or bugging him about things that are beyond his control. I am my own person again, and believe me, THAT is what attracted him to me in the first place. Stop focusing so much on him. Take time to find yourself, ,and what makes you happy (besides being with him) and if its meant to be, it will work out. Because right now, all this man is seeing is the nagging and the anger. Its not a pretty picture.[/QUOTE]


You're very right. I think confidence and independance equals a happy person and therefore a happy relationship. I don't think my problem stems from not having enough of my own life because I do. We were never a couple to do every little thing together or spend hours on the phone or spend every day together. It's more of making the best of the time we do have and making sure that time is quality time where you nurture your relationship and connect on a pysical and emotional level. I do agree with you that maybe right now all he sees is the nagging and anger. The thing is, I don't get angry or nag nearly as much as it comes across in this thread. I choose my battles and when I do get mad at him, it's for a reason not just out of the blue.
There comes a time when little boys need to grow up. He's not 16 and he should have drawn the line at how much drinking he did that night. My brother and sister in law who live 5 hours away were visiting last weekend and the dinner was meant as an introduction for them to my boyfriend. He missed them on a couple of occasions so that was their opportunity to meet before the big party on Sunday. It was my sister in law's birthday a few days prior so my mother bought her a cake, and she also bought my boyfriend a cake because his birthday had been a couple of days before.

They put a lot of effort into that dinner and I had to get off the phone with him and go tell everyone as they were sitting down to dinner expecting him to pull into the driveway any minute, that my boyfriend got too drunk last night and now has his head in the toilet bowl instead of driving over. It emberassed me. He emberassed me in front of my family and my friends. We are a very well mannered family and I expect the same from him. If anyone wants to attack me for getting mad at him over that, then I challenge you to wonder how you would have reacted in my shoes. I think your voice might have raised a notch or two as well.
[QUOTE=ana_24]You're very right. I think confidence and independance equals a happy person and therefore a happy relationship. I don't think my problem stems from not having enough of my own life because I do. We were never a couple to do every little thing together or spend hours on the phone or spend every day together. It's more of making the best of the time we do have and making sure that time is quality time where you nurture your relationship and connect on a pysical and emotional level. I do agree with you that maybe right now all he sees is the nagging and anger. The thing is, I don't get angry or nag nearly as much as it comes across in this thread. I choose my battles and when I do get mad at him, it's for a reason not just out of the blue.
There comes a time when little boys need to grow up. He's not 16 and he should have drawn the line at how much drinking he did that night. My brother and sister in law who live 5 hours away were visiting last weekend and the dinner was meant as an introduction for them to my boyfriend. He missed them on a couple of occasions so that was their opportunity to meet before the big party on Sunday. It was my sister in law's birthday a few days prior so my mother bought her a cake, and she also bought my boyfriend a cake because his birthday had been a couple of days before.

They put a lot of effort into that dinner and I had to get off the phone with him and go tell everyone as they were sitting down to dinner expecting him to pull into the driveway any minute, that my boyfriend got too drunk last night and now has his head in the toilet bowl instead of driving over. It emberassed me. He emberassed me in front of my family and my friends. We are a very well mannered family and I expect the same from him. If anyone wants to attack me for getting mad at him over that, then I challenge you to wonder how you would have reacted in my shoes. I think your voice might have raised a notch or two as well.[/QUOTE]

I'm with ya. That WAS rude and inconsiderate behavior. If you wouldn't do it to him, why would you just happily accept him doing it to you? Your anger was appropriate.





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